


Clark's Very Bizarro Day (1/17)

by Betor



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Multi, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-20
Updated: 2010-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-07 10:04:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 25,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Betor/pseuds/Betor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bizarro reappears and Clark has to deal with it.<br/>Disclaimer: DC owns. I play in their sandbox. <br/>Spoilers: Seasons 1-7. 'Bizarro', 'Persona' DC owns.  <br/>Warnings: Slashy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clark's Very Bizarro Day

**Author's Note:**

> This little a/u was inspired by the Fanon Friday prompts 'Clark/Oliver'. Because I can't see Cliver, I immediately thought, 'What if it wasn't really Clark?' The crazy took flight from there and flapped madly off into the distance.

It had finally happened. The Arctic cold had torqued what passed for Jor El's brain that one byte too far. Clark pointed at the thing standing across the ice pit from him. "What is THAT doing here? I thought that I killed it last week."

"Thanks for the blue k." Bizarro smirks. "It was delicious."

"But you exploded!"

"A small case of indigestion."

Indigestion? That explosion had been a kind of Bizarro fart? Clark scrunches up his face. Gross! Now he needs another shower. Make that a few dozen showers. "That's disgusting. You're disgusting."

"Kal El," Lara gasps. She reaches up and pats a wide shoulder covered by a blue jacket. "Is that any way to talk about your brother?"

"Brother? Brother?" Clark sputters in disbelief. What the heck had Bizarro done to the A.I.? He glares at the smirking space maggot. "That. Is. Not. My. Brother."

"I'm actually more like a twin." Bizarro tucks his hands into his jacket pockets.

"Are you crazy?" Clark demands. As if the last few weeks haven't been hell enough. First he gets flash-frozen by Jor El, and then he finds out that Bizarro had spent the last month living at the Farm with his parents, getting Bizarro cooties all over his room, and putting it's slimy tentacles all over Lana, and even working his job at the Planet. And even worse...Perry White had mentioned how much his reporting had improved in the last month.

"Kal El," Lara shakes her head. Her golden curls tremble against her flowing white robes. "Don't be silly. Do you have any idea how much of your DNA he shares now? Genetically speaking he almost is you."

"What?!" Clark roars in outrage.

"I said," Lara begins primly.

Clark glares at Bizarro. "What did you slip them?"

Bizarro blinks innocently. "Me?"

"You. Where is it?" Clark wills his x-ray on and turns to study the crystalline structure surrounding them.

"It's most interesting philosophical question," Jor El slides an arm over his wife's shoulders. "When does a clone become a person in its own right? Not all the great scientists of Krypton could agree on..."

"Hey! Who are you calling a clone, you pile of cheap Kryptonian switchboxes?" Bizarro demands sharply. "I'm no cheap Kryptonian knock-off. I was born in a proper nesting box, not one of your stupid test tubes."

Clark pauses in his search, disturbed by the idea of a Bizarro Mom, and presumably a Bizarro Dad, and possibly a box of Bizarro siblings. He'd never thought of Bizarro as an actual person. Still real person or not, he can not allow Bizarro to running around eating people. He's going to have to do...well, something...and he will. Absolutely. Just as soon as he figures out what that something is.

In love with his own sonorous voice, Jor El continues serenely on with his argument, "Genetically speaking, Bizarro is a completely different being from what he was when he first arrived on Earth."

"Arrived...hell!" Bizarro snaps. He waves one hand. "There I was..."

"Imprisoned in the phantom zone!" Clark glowers over the shoulder of his red jacket.

Bizarro clears his throat. "As I was saying, before the Red Blue Bore interrupted me, there I was, minding my own business..."

"And that would be?" Clark sneers.

Bizarro tosses his head back and looks down his nose at Clark. "If you must know, I eating."

"Ewww!"

"Spines...ummm. And the hearts..." Bizarro kisses his fingertips "Life was good in the Zone. No hunting. No having to fight another of my kind to claim my feeding grounds. I could stretch out under a nice rock and doze until my next meal walked by. Then you ruined it!"

"Ruined?" Clark turns and stares at the other alien. "You liked being in the Zone?"

Bizarro licks his full pink lips. "Imagine being locked up in a bakery...everywhere you look there's cupcakes and pies and tarts and doughnuts and..."

"Thanks for ruining bakeries for me," Clark mutters as he resume his search for bad kryptonite. He might never be able to walk into one again with the same blissful expectation. It wasn't like he meant to shatter the Phantom Zone. It had just sorta happened. Strange to think that some Zoners might consider the place a home instead of being thrilled to be rid of it. It might explain why so many of them were gunning for him instead of fleeing to a far corner of the galaxy or running back wherever they had originally come from.

"Suddenly I'm here." Bizarro spreads his arms. "And Kryptonians are few and far between. If I hadn't learned to pull energy from green kryptonite, I would be dead by now."

"And good riddance." Clark frown as he spots a flicker of something lurking in a shadowy patch at the edge of one of the ice caves leading into the Fortress' depths. To keep the other alien distracted while he tips up on the lurky thing, Clark asks, "Didn't you miss having a...a Miss Bizarro to...um, you know."

"Hardly. I'll stick with Earth girls; they're much safer. Clearly you've never felt compelled to mate with something that would eat you alive, and suck your spine clean afterwards, if you messed up."

"Ummm, actually," Clark begins as he thinks of his repeated failures with Lana. He flings himself backwards with a yelp as something big and glowy green charges at him. Clawed feet clamber over him and a scaly tail rakes across his face as the lizard thing races toward Bizarro and jumps.

"Poor Krypto." Bizarro cuddles the creature against his chest. He pats its orange spotted scales as it gnaws happily on his bicep and shoulder. "Did the bad Kryptonian scare hims? It's okay. Hims is a good..."

Clark demands, "What the hell is that thing?"

"If you would pay more attention to your studies, you would know that it is a prime representative of, " Lara begins.

Jor El, sensing that he's being ignored, lectures louder. "He's absorbed your DNA, and your memories up until the point in time in which he encountered you. Clark, we must ask, what makes you you if not your memories and DNA? One could almost argue that..."

"Encountered?" Clark repeats disbelievingly. He gets to his feet and glares from Bizarro to Jor El. "Is that what he told you? He stole my DNA and memories!"

"Finders, keepers," Bizarro taunts as his pet leaps down from his arms to sniff at the hem of Lara's robe. "Losers, weepers."

"Shut up!" Clark grabs a chunk of ice crystal and throws it.

Bizarro ducks the crystal. "Missed me!"

"Kal El!" Lara calls. "Bizarro! Stop that."

Clark ignores her and charges the enemy, grabbing Bizarro and body slamming him into the icy floor. The Fortress shudders as ice and crystals fall from the high ceilings.

A thin beam of light touches Bizarro's face. He snarls as his cheek turns hard and blue. "You're gonna pay for that, loser!"

"Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do about it?" Clark's hands curl into Bizarro's blue jacket as he yanks the alien further into the sunshine. He lets go with a startled cry as something heavy thuds onto his back and bites his shoulder. He hops up and Bizarro's pet slides back down to the ice.

Bizarro rolls out of the sunbeam. His pet growls and lunges at Clark's ankles and calves.

"Son. SON!" Jor El yells.

Clark dances back, dodging. "Stop that! Stop it. Bad space thing! Bad!"

"Kal El! Bizarro! You stop that this second," Lara snaps.

Bizarro flings himself at Clark and shoves the Kryptonian down into the ice floor only to pop back up, clutching his smoking backside. He frantically pats out the flames blazing around his back pockets. "My designer jeans!"

"Oh, yeah...you're sooo scary. Not!" Clark sniggers at he gets to his feet. He takes a menacing step toward Bizarro, fists ready. "And don't even think about trying to bring it to me, jerk face. And you'll stay away from my family and friends too if you know what's good for you. HEY! These are new jeans!"

Jor El frowns impartially at both of them as he tucks his hand back into the flowing sleeves of his robe. "Not in the house, boys."

"Look at you, you're acting like brothers already." Lara smiles brightly at them.

Bizarro points at Clark. "He started it."

"I did not," Clark snaps before he can stop himself. He takes a deep breath. He is not going to get sucked into this. He absolutely refuses. But how is he supposed to deal with Bizarro if the Fortress insists on adopting the alien? Maybe he should start throwing some ground rules out there. He scowls at his new 'brother'. "No eating people's hearts!"

"But that's the best part," Bizarro whines. "It's almost as good as spines."

Clearly he needs to do some revising. Clark points a stern finger at Bizarro. "No eating people...any kind of people."

Bizarro stares back at him.

Clark shifts uneasily under the look. There's no expression on the stoney blue face. It's like trying to have stare down with a Picasso inspired sculpture. The eyes, however, are freakishly alive looking amid the jagged shifting angles, and hold a calculating wolfish glitter that makes him think of Lionel Luthor.

"Do you want your twin to starve away to nothing," Lara protests. "Clark, how could you even suggest such a thing? What if he only eats bad people?"

"I didn't say anything about starving. He can eat green k, can't he?" Clark asks. That might not be so bad. In fact, that might be pretty good. If Bizarro's draining meteor rocks decreases the number of new meteor mutants, why Smallville might be mutant free in a few decades. That alone would be worth a treaty with slug boy.

"Not as a steady diet." Bizarro bends down to pet Krypto as the green and orange lizard curls around his feet.   
 

"Fine. Eat plants. Eat cows. Eat eggs. Eat whatever you want, but no people. I don't care what kind of people they are," Clark scowls suspiciously at Bizarro. "None. That's my bottom line."

"So," Bizarro rumbles, "if I alter my diet, I can stay here?"

"Sure." Clark sighs with relief. Can it be that easy? A little talking and the problem is all solved? Can his example inspire Bizarro to become a productive alien citizen of Earth?


	2. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (2/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver unknowingly has sex with Bizarro. Clark buys coffee at the Talon and gets his first hint that something Bizarro is going on.

"Oooh, Clark. That feels so good." Oliver moans into the pillow as a damp tongue slicks up the length of his spine. He doesn't get this spine fetish that Clark seems to have, but he's willing to go with it. "You're such an animal."

"You have no idea," Clark rumbles against his nape.

"I think I'm getting a clue." Oliver grins as the alien mouths his neck. "Shall I send out for more yogurt? I think we've used all that's in my fridge. I'll tell the hotel staff to be certain and restock it. Do you have a favorite flavor? You seemed to really like the cherry and raspberry ones."

"Spaghetti sauce."

"What?"

"I want spaghetti sauce."

That's weird, but no weirder than the spine fetish. Oh, who cares? It might be a refreshing change from the chocolate squirt bottle stuff that Lois favored. Spaghetti sauce would probably be a lot easier to shower off as well, so why not? Oliver mumbles, "Okay. I'll tell the concierge to have a few dozen jars sent up. "

"Yummmmmmmmmm." Clark hums against his back.

Oliver twitches uneasily as sharp teeth nibble. "Clark, mind the teeth."

There's a long pause and then a softer bite, followed by a slow, raspy lick. "Sorry. I got carried away. You're so...delicious."

Oliver snorts. "But you think that I would taste even better with a little tomato sauce?"

Clark murmurs, "Spicy's good."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's the small daily routines that pick him back up when things get difficult at home or work. The routines that say that he belongs here, that's he's part of the human rhythm. The little pleasures, like stopping by the Talon for couple of cups of java to drink with Chloe on the Smallville-Metropolis train, as they head into work. Speeding in is faster, but riding on the train, kicking aback and watching the scenery while talking to his best buddy, is more fun.

Between the train rides, and working together at the Planet while Pete is off studying law at an ivy league school, they've gotten closer and closer. In some ways, his friendship with Chloe, is a little more difficult than his friendship with Pete. He's not constantly aware of Pete the way he is Chloe, who is a really great friend...she just happens to be friend with really pretty eyes and hair...and breasts. He shifts uncomfortably as he remembers the fleeting glimpse of navy lace and white breasts that he'd gotten when she'd bent over to dig her Talon travel mug out of her tote bag.

Clark pulls the glass door open and sees Lana behind the counter, wrapped in a long pink apron. She looks tired like she hadn't slept well, and she's still wearing black clothes, but surely picking a pink apron is a good sign. And she's at work again. This is the first time that he's seen her at the Talon since Bizarro's unfortunate...Clark frowns. Except Bizarro isn't actually demised at all as it turns out.

Should he tell her? Or should he let dead space slugs stay dead? Which way would be better for Lana? Damn it, he shouldn't have to make decisions like this before he's had coffee, and he still hasn't decided what to do about the A.I. It's not like he can reformat it, or make a couple of high-speed passes over it with a giant magnet and permanently solve that problem. He's not even sure that he wants to; borderline insane or not, the A.I. is his only link to his heritage and history.

Maybe he should get in the new barista's line instead of Lana's, but what if that hurts Lana's feelings? He doesn't want her to think that he's avoiding her after talking her into using the blue k, or that he doesn't respect her determination to throw herself back into work, or hold it against her that she had the bad taste to fall in love with a DNA stealing piece of space slime. On the other hand, maybe she doesn't want to talk to him since the last time that he'd talked to her, he'd persuaded her to kill Bizarro.

Clark hesitates uncertainly between the two lines until a guy behind him snaps, "No double-parking, buddy. Pick a line and get in it. Jesus, some people."

"Sorry," Clark murmurs and steps into Lana's line. He looks curiously at the back of a sleepy stranger. New LexCorp employee or someone's overnight guest? The guy is wearing a dress shirt and trousers, just like he is, only stranger's clothes are a slightly wrinkled. Maybe he could ask the stranger...get an unbiased opinion.

As if feeling his stare the guy glances around. Brown eyes widen and then get even sleepier looking. The guy smiles widely. "Hello, there."

"Hi. Could I ask you a question?"

"Does it involve something deliciously inappropriate?" The other man purrs, "If so, ask away, Handsome."

Clark flexes hands nervously around his and Chloe's mugs as the line gets shorter. He's going to be at the head of it soon, and he doesn't want Lana to overhear. "Well, it's a completely hypothetical sort of question."

"Of course, it is."

"So...if you had a girlfriend of boyfriend," Clark begins.

"As it happens, I'm between boyfriends."

"Oh." Clark pauses uncertainly. Should he offer congratulations, condolences, or words of encouragement? He sighs. He wishes that he had even half of Lex's skill at sizing up social situations. Maybe he better just stick to his question.

"What about you?" the stranger prompts.

Clark looks over the stranger's shoulder. Had Lana overheard that? They are getting awfully close. Boyfriends aren't the most tactful thing to be talking about. Clark steps closer and lowers his voice. "Me? Uhmm, I'm between too. So...I was wondering, if you did have a boyfriend, and someone talked you into killing him, and then you ran into the someone while buying coffee, would you want to talk to...hey, where are you going?"

He watches, puzzled as the glass door bangs shut behind the rapidly retreating stranger. Clark shakes his head. And the guy had almost been at the head of the line too; he must have forgotten something or felt suddenly unwell. Clark waits while the high school girl in front of him get gets a latte with extra whip. He steps up and sets his two extra large travel mugs and his Talon card on the counter. "Hi, Lana! It's great to see you back here."

Why is she staring at him like that? Maybe he shouldn't made the last comment. Maybe he should've stopped with 'hi'. Maybe he should've gotten in the other line, but it's too late now. Clark shifts on his feet, his smile flickering off and on. "Could I get a..."

"No!"

Clark blinks at her forceful tone. Wow. He bet they heard that on the outskirts of town. Somebody had gotten up on the wrong side of bed. The people in the other line are looking at him. His shoulder flex under the weight of their curiosity. "But I only want a..."

"I said, 'no' and I meant 'no'. I can't believe that you came here. Lana plants her fists on her narrow hips and glares at him. "What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" Clark frowns. He's not the one acting crazy. Is she that grief-stricken over Bizarro? Or is this a case of green k? God knows the stuff is everywhere in Smallville. But what if this is...a female thing, instead of a green K thing, or a Bizarro thing? Damn, he wishes Chloe was with him instead of waiting impatiently at the train station, and she will kill him if he shows up coffeeless. Clark squares his shoulders. "What's wrong with you? All I wanna do is grab some..."

"No! Get out of here! Out, out, out, OUT!"

Sheriff Adams pushes through the door. She looks from Lana to Clark with a puzzled expression. "Miss Lang? A fella stopped by the station to report that there's a situation at the Talon. What's going on?"

"Make that pervert leave," Lana demands.

There's a pervert? Where? Clark looks around and sees that everyone is looking at him. Why are they all...he turns back around, his eyes widening as he sees Lana's accusing finger pointing directly him. "Me? That's crazy. All I want is a quick..."

"Mr. Kent? A perv?" Sheriff Adams looks him up and down with interest.

"You wouldn't believe the filthy things that he keeps asking me to do." Lana blinks back tears. "But I'm not That Sort of Girl!"

Sheriff Adams looks at Clark with even more interest. "Mr. Kent? What exactly are you asking Miss Lang to do?"

"Nothing! I...umm...I never got a chance to ask her anything." Clark glances uneasily at the silent and fascinated crowd. He can feel his face turning red.

"Go ahead," Lana storms. "Tell them! I dare you. Tell them exactly what you were going to ask me."

Clark pushes his blue mug forward,"I want is one coffee with a shot of white chocolate, shot of caramel. and whipped cream with sprinkles on top." He nudges Chloe's red mug, "And one black coffee with four shots of espresso."

"Liar! You won't stop calling me! Every time I answered the phone," Lana sniffs and turns tearful eyes toward their audience, "each time was more awful than the last. All those evil, awful, perversities and all that moaning!"

Sheriff Adams pushes her hat back. "Then why did you keep answering the phone, Miss Lang?"

Lana blushes and looks down at the rows of muffins stacked below the counter. "I...I was expecting a call from my Aunt Nell and I didn't want to miss it."

"You don't have caller ID?" the other barista asks. "Girl, you need to get yourself some." She looks Clark over and smiles. "Or not. Would you like my phone number, sweetie?"

"Or mine?" The woman behind him waves a napkin with a lipstick number written on it.

"I think you know the station's number, Mr. Kent." The Sheriff tips her hat to him and winks. She turns back to the crowd. "Okay, folks. Nothing to see here. Get back in line. Don't make me tell you twice."


	3. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (3/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark discovers that Chloe and Lex have a plan of their own.

Clark sits on the bench, watching the other passengers board the train. He glances at the huge clock ticking away on the station's wall. If Chloe doesn't get out of the ladies room soon, they're gonna miss this one; he'll have to speed them to work. He lifts his travel mug and drinks, savoring the extra kick of sweetness that the whipped cream gives his chocolate, caramel syrup laced coffee. The mingled rush of caffeine and sugar makes him feel like that maybe, a solution to his problems is lurking somewhere on the horizon. He takes another sip, enjoying the sensation of warm hopefulness. Maybe if he takes it one step at a time. Set aside the fact that he has custody of a powerful and bug-eyed crazy A.I. At the moment the A.I. is keeping it's crazy contained, aside from deciding to adopt Bizarro.

His most immediate problem is deciding how much slack he should allow Bizarro before taking action. The decision is all his. He's the only one who can police Bizarro, the only one who can successfully act against him, but that's only half of the problem. Threatening Bizarro with a dose of cosmic indigestion simply doesn't seem that much of a deterrent. Clark slouches down in his seat. Why out of all the meteor rock in Smallville does it have to be the rarest kind that has any effect on Bizarro? There's got to be something that he can do to scare Bizarro into good behavior.

Who else had Bizarro obscene called? What if Bizarro is gleefully working his way through the whole list? Oliver? Dinah? A.C.? Victor? Bart? Perry White? Jimmy? Lionel? Lucas? Oh, god...Lex? Clark inhales his coffee and coughs. That's all he needs right now...for Bizarro to start placing obscene calls to Lex. Uh-oh, there goes their usual train. The next one won't be along for four hours. They're either gonna have to speed to work. Assuming Chloe plans on ever leaving the restroom. Clark glances over his shoulder at the door flanking one side of his bench. What if Bizarro had called Chloe? Is that why she'd seemed so jumpy this morning?

Why she didn't drink her coffee? It's not like her to not inhale the stuff as soon as she gets it. He'd caught her looking at the mug with palpable longing several times, and glowering at him while he drank his and they talked. Is that why she disappeared in there with her purse and her...is she calling someone? Clark tunes his hearing to the bathroom just in time to hear the snap of a closing cell phone and the nervous pacing tap of high heels on the tile floor. What if she's scared that if he's Bizarro and that he might have spiked her drink?

He'd speeded from the train station to the Talon and back, so she wouldn't have had a chance to see if he turned stony blue in the sunshine. And she had been watching, when she didn't usually wait for him outside the station's doors. Clark frowns, and since an awning shadowed the doors, he'd been shaded from the sunlight by the time that he'd slowed enough for her to see him. She's trying to decide if he's Bizarro Clark or Clark Clark. He's on his feet and standing in front of the door, ready to knock when he pauses. What's he gonna say to reassure her? He can't exactly announce that he's not Bizarro, well he could, but it wouldn't be likely to convince her. It might send her scampering out the window if she hasn't done that already. He squints at the door to see a skeleton standing in front of the window. Clark taps on the door. "Chloe? You okay?"

Her skeleton starts violently and her heartbeat speeds up. "I'm fine!"

"We missed the train."

"Sorry." Her skeleton paces back and forth. "We can catch the next one."

"We'll be hours late if we do that, but luckily, you have Kent Express at your service." Clark winces as he hears her heartbeat pick up even more. Oops. Offering to speed her to work, probably isn't the most reassuring thing to do right now. Now she's probably wondering if he's gonna drop her off or just drop her. He steps back as the door suddenly opens.

Chloe smooths her silk shirt. She takes a deep breath, plasters a smile on her face and steps toward him. She adjusts his blue tie with nervous hands. "Clark, what if I...what would you say if I offered to...I mean, I can't control myself any longer. I've gotta have you. Who cares if we are late? "

"What?" Clark stares down at her flushed face. It's kinda late in the year for the annual Valentine's Day love potion breakout, and she looks more grimly determined than passionate. Maybe this is something new, or a new version of the Valentine's Day love epidemic...oh,god, just yesterday he'd been writing up an article about how June is the most popular month for weddings. Is she going to propose? He takes a step back and she follows him, her hands sliding up his chest. "Wha...what about prom night?"

"What about it?" Her eyes narrow with familiar menace for a second before widening and batting innocently at him. She laughs with no amusement and her smile gets more deterimined. "Oh, you don't think that I'm still mad about that, do you? You explained that."

Yeah, he had. Many, many, many times, but he's pretty sure that she's still mad, even after they had reached a level where he'd been able to come clean about what he'd really been doing while she was standing around alone at the prom. He eases back another step. "Ah, yeah, but for years you thought that I just, ummm..."

"Ditched me? Left me alone in my best dress to try to convince the cheerleaders that we was only there to cover the prom for the Torch and that it wasn't areal date? Strange how fast I went from being terrified that zombie meteor freaks were eating your brains to hoping that zombie meteor freaks were eating your brains." Her hands slide downwards. "But that's all in the past."

Clark puts his hands over hers, not trusting the gleam in her eyes for one second. She's never going to get over being pissed about that night. He's still going to be hearing about it and still trying to explain when they are both 95. "I'm sorry, Chloe, but I had to. Lana..."

"Of course. Lana." Chloe nods, inching closer.

Oh, crap. Maybe he should just stop right there. Stop trying to explain it. Stop thinking that if he only explains it enough, Clark sighs and tightens his grip on her hands. It's not like she wouldn't have been even more furious if she discovered that he could've rescued Lana and hadn't. On some subjects, talking to her or Lex is like being attacked by rabid squirrels with kryptonite teeth. "Chloe..."

"Clark," Lex's smooth voice comes from behind him.

Clark sighs with relief at the interruption. He won't have to worry about deflecting any funny business from Lex. At least, not of the hanky panky variety. Unless...he turns and relaxes as he sees that Lex is alone and hooker-free. It's actually been a couple of months since he's seen a call girl swarm forming around Lex. A small flicker of hope perks to life inside his heart, if he can influence his best frienemy away from hookers, then can getting Lex to stop bankrolling secret labs be far behind? Clark smiles. "Lex. What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here?" Lex studies him. "I suppose that's a change from heavy breathing and inquiries about my underwear preferences of the day?"

"What?" Oh, shit. Bizarro had obscene called Lex. But how is he gonna explain to Lex that...Clark manages a muffled squeak of shock as Lex steps into him, strong hands fisting in his hair as the scarred mouth settles, hard and rough across his own. "Mpppfff!"

Then Chloe is stepping in behind him, her arms circling his waist, the roundness of her breasts flattening against his back. Her hands begin busily untucking his shirt as Lex's commanding mouth demands his attention. One of her hands skims across his waist to Lex's and the other snakes upwards beneath his shirt to tweak his nipple. Clark manages a weak, "Mmmfffpp?"

His arms snake around them. Lex's hard leaness, Chloe's soft curvaceousness, both feel so good pressed against him. He'll make them stop and he'll wipe out this new hanky-panky virus in just a second. Okay, another second. Make that a minute. Any minute. Maybe he should give them five...ten minutes to see if they snap out of it on their own, Clark thinks as one hand clenches around the hard arc of Lex's backside and the other on the round fullness of Chloe's.

He tenses in alarm and want as Chloe's soft hand slides down his side. Lex's bigger hand moves down his other side and both meet on his stomach, Lex's closing over Chloe's. Clark opens his mouth to Lex, offering it to the other man as the kiss transmutes from lewd harshness to a soft, tender caress. His eyes blink open as Lex pulls back with a final gentle nip at his lower lip.

"This is Clark," Lex announces.

"Oh, thank god." Chloe sags against his back. Her hand clenches tightly against his stomach. "You're sure?"

Clark looks down to see a pale blue glow showing between their locked hands beneath his hiked up white dress shirt. He stands very still.

"Absolutely," Lex tells her.

Clark snorts. Lex is always absolutely sure and occasionally absolutely wrong. "You and your convoluted schemes." He glances at Chloe, "Wouldn't it have been easier to find a sunbeam?"

"But not nearly as fun." Lex smirks at him.

"Fun? Fun?" Clark snaps. He lowers his arms and slides away from them. "Your fun could have gotten Chloe hurt or killed."

"Clark," Chloe's firm voice stops him. She flicks open a gray and black metal compact and places the blue k inside, snapping it shut. "The sunbeam was Plan A. But I was never able to catch you in one. Every time I saw you, you were in the shade. This particular plan..."

"G," Lex puts in.

Chloe sighs. "Fine. Plan G, put Lex at every bit as much risk as I was."

"But if you insist," Lex purrs, "we'll be happy to give you a through inspection in the sunlight."

"Lex." Chloe frowns at him.

Clark sinks back down on the bench. He grabs his coffee and drains it in a gulp, hoping the jolt will force his passion-fuzzed brain to focus on something besides the unsatisfied throb beneath his boxers, but his brain seems helplessly hung up on the heat of Lex's mouth and the softness of Chloe's breasts.

Chloe sits down beside him, watching him with a concerned expression. "You okay?"

Lex settles on his other side. "Give him a minute. I fully expect to begin hearing how this is all my fault any second now."

"Lex," Chloe picks up her coffee. "Everything is not always all about you."

"Of course, it is. What else would it be about?"

"Megalomaniac." Chloe takes a sip of her drink.

Lex glances around Clark. "Snoop."

Chloe rolls her eyes. "Like you have room to talk."

"It's not snooping if it's remotely connected to me," Lex assures her with mock earnestness.

"Is that your excuse?"

"I'm a Luthor. I don't need excuses."

Chloe leans across Clark and whispers, "Don't look now, but your megalomania is showing."

Clark steals Chloe's coffee mug and takes a drink. The four shots of espresso finally pushing his brain into gear. He doesn't know what to start with. Chloe and Lex double teaming him? Lex kissing him? Chloe having blue k? Lex knowing about Bizarro and blue k? Shit. How much does Lex know? And what had Bizarro said to Lex on the phone?

"Talk about living dangerously." Lex shakes his head.

Clark looks at Chloe. "Where did you get the blue meteor rock?"

"Him." Chloe nods toward Lex.

Clark reluctantly looks at Lex, blushing as his gaze dips involuntarily toward the scarred mouth. Still unable to believe that he'd kissed Lex Luthor and really, really, really liked it. "Where did you get it?"

Lex shrugs. "Around."

"Around Smallville, you mean," Clark snipes.

"Where else would it be?" Chloe reclaims her coffee mug and takes a drink. "Ick. It's gone cold."

"That's what happens when you let stuff sit around." Clark wraps his hand protectively over hers and stares at her cold coffee, carefully reheating it. "It goes cold."

"Not always." Chloe eases closer, her breast brushing his arm. "Some things never go cold."

"And some things hit the boiling point," Lex adds, his eyes smoky gray as he adjusts his position so that his thigh presses warmly against Clark's.

Clark tries desperately to remember what he'd been asking about. "The blue k...do you have more?"

"Blue k," Lex repeats as if tasting the letters and finding them good. "What does the k stand for?"

Clark ignores the question. "Do. You. Have. More."

"It's possible." Lex swipes Chloe's mug and drinks. His eyes gleam with interest as he looks at Clark over the rim. "Ummm. Perfect."

"Give that back, you thieving Luthor." Chloe grabs her mug. "It's not like you don't have bags of beans in your kitchen."

"Yes, but my coffee is back at Luthor Manor while yours is conveniently here." Lex glances at Clark. "How much do you need?

"I don't know."

"Oh, that's helpful," Lex mutters caustically.

"I don't!" Clark snaps. "Okay? I don't know. I don't know if I will use it. I don't know how much it would take. I don't know if it will work for longer than a week. I. Don't. Know."

"Fine. You don't know. We got that." Lex sneers. "Why I should expect that you would tell me..."

"Lex," Chloe breaks in. "He really doesn't know. He's as surprised as we are that Bizarro is back."

"Oh." Lex subsides.

"How does he know about this?" Clark demands. He frowns disapprovingly at Chloe.

"Hey, don't look at me like that. Lex had his own encounters with Bizarro." Chloe finishes her coffee and puts the empty mug down.

"Bizarro." Lex snorts. "I can't believe that it calls itself something like that. It sounds like a fourth rate band."

"Yeah?" Chloe leans around Clark. "What did you call it...Fido? Fluffy? Oozy?"

"I assigned it a perfectly dignified numerical sequence. Then the ingrate tried to eat me, and thereafter was referred to as that slobbery SOB."

Clark nods. "SOB works for me. Lex, what did it say to you?"

"It opened with 'What are you wearing?' and then worked it's way down to 'suck my..."

"Lex! Not whatever it said when it called you today. I meant the first time you saw it." Clark looks at his frienemy. "How did you know that it wasn't me?"

"For one thing, it didn't flounce up to me, spouting accusations and making demands." Lex stares across the train station, watching a janitor sweeping the floor.

"I do not flounce!"

"It flounced up to me with sweet words and winsome offers. It would be anything I wanted. Give me anything I wanted. All for one low, low, low price. Your death."

"Lex." Clark grips the other man's shoulder as he remembers finding Lex battered and crumpled on the floor.

"Don't be an idiot." Lex gives him a disdainful look. "I didn't get to where I am without being able to spot a fucking Trojan horse when one prances by my castle."

Clark frowns, wanting to offer something. "Don't you want to know how I know that it came after you?"

"I already know. Security tapes are wonderful things. Nice sucker punch by the way. Your fighting skills are improving."

"But..." Clark stares, big-eyed at the other man, frantically reviewing all the stuff that he's done in and around places where Lex might have cameras.

Chloe leans comfortably against his side. "Don't let the megalomania fool you. He actually is as smart as he thinks he is."

Clark looks down at her and swallows. Does Lex know the big secret. The very biggest one. "Does he know...about...you know."

"He is right here," Lex snaps. "And yes, I know all."

Clark examines the other man's pale face with suspicion. "You're just saying that."

The gray eyes spark with annoyance and narrow into irritated slits. "Let's see. I capture alien ooze."

Clark twitches and looks around nervously at the sound of the A Word.

"The ooze has been attacking humans. It's clearly looking for something it needs and not finding it. Then the ooze encounters you and finds exactly what it needs...like you fit in it's native habitat somehow. Either you're different or you're a freak. Being a freak myself," Lex gives Clark a considering up and down look, "my bet is on different."

"He looooves the sound of his own voice. Fastest way to shut him up is to kiss him," Chloe advises.

Clark rubs his head. "How long have you two been...doing whatever you're doing?"

"Making booty calls?" Lex smirks. "Months."

Chloe frowns at him. "Trysts."

"You say potato, I say..."

"Shut up." Chloe stares menacingly at him.

"When did this start?" Clark asks. How could he have missed his best friend and his best frienemy getting together?

"We met in the My Best Friend Is A Pathological Liar chat room," Lex tells him. "Bonded over the Meteor Freak's WTF Board, and then she founded the..."

"Lex Luthor Is A Lying Asshat website." Chloe glowers at him.

"You want me to tell him the truth?" Lex asks. "Fine. One lovely afternoon, Chloe stormed the castle, and plied me with her wiles and my wine, and the next thing I knew..."

"Jerk. Don't believe him." Chloe pats Clark's knee. "I did storm the castle, but was his wiles and his wine. Have you ever been down in the wine cellar? He's got these posts with chains..."

"But Clark doesn't want to know about that, does he?" Lex purrs.

Clark squirms on the bench. Actually, he really, really, really does. "So you both got calls from Bizarro. And Lana got calls. That's great. Just great. I wonder who else he's gonna call from my contact list."

"Lana got called?" Chloe asks.

"Oliver could use a little loosening up," Lex murmurs.

"Lana was convinced that it was me, and I can't tell her that it wasn't without letting her know that...he's back."

"Why does it matter if Lana knows that Bizarro is back?" Lex asks.

"Lana...she didn't realize that it wasn't Clark," Chloe watches Clark's slumped form with concern.

Clark glowers at the smirk spreading across Lex's face. "She didn't know. And when she did know, she did the right thing."

Lex flattens out the smirk. "I didn't say anything."

"No, but you were thinking it," Clark mutters darkly. "She was a hero. She used the blue rock on it even though she loved it. She did what she had to do to save the world."

"But the blue k didn't work. At least not permanently." Lex frowns thoughtfully. "So we need another solution."

Chloe hums, "Hmmm." She taps her fingers slowly against her knees as she ponders the problem. "

Clark leans closer to Chloe and whispers, "Does he know about the A.I.?"

"Hello. You think he's got a LexCorp satellite poised over the arctic 'cause it's shiny and pretty? I've told you not to let the megalomania fool you."

"But the Fortress says that it's undetectable."

"And when did the undetectable part kick in? Before or after it was fully formed?" Chloe glances at him. "You might also want to consider the source. I can help you set up an Alien A.I. Lying Asshat website."

Lex gives them an annoyed stare. His gaze narrows on Clark. "You didn't snorkel across the galaxy so yes, Clark, I'm aware that you have a spacecraft. Since you arrived as an infant, I've posited the existence of an A.I. of some sort."

Clark glowers at Lex. "Did you posit that it's crazy?"

"Hmmm. By whose standards?" Lex asks.

Clark stares at him. "What?"

"I hadn't thought of that," Chloe murmurs, "but it makes a lot of sense. Naturally an A.I. is going to reflect the culture that created it."

"Clark, most of the aliens that I've encountered have struck me as..." Lex pauses.

"Criminally insane," Chloe finishes. She smiles at Clark. "Present company excepted, of course."

He's not sure he wants to spend too much time thinking about that idea. Jor El did exhibit certain troubling antisocial tendencies. Clark runs a hand through his hair. "And to make matters worse, the Fortress has sorta adopted Bizarro."

"What?" Chloe starts

"It says that he's my..." Clark finally manages to force the word out, "brother. That he stole so much of my DNA and he's a twin."

"I know that the Fortress is crazy, but that's like extra special crazy with chopped crazy nuts on top. I need more caffeine to process that." Chloe looks wistfully at her empty mug. "So consulting the Fortress or getting help from it is out."

"Afraid so. We're on our own with this one." Clark sighs. "Not that that's a really bad thing. The Fortress is more of a hindrance than a help most of the time."

"Hindrance to who?" Chloe asks, cynically. "I bet that thing has it's own agenda, and it doesn't seem terribly fond of humans."

"I think before we come up with definitive plan." Lex leans closer to Clark. "That we need to be absolutely certain that you aren't Bizarro."

"What?" Clark scowls.

"What did you have in mind?" Chloe asks.

"I think we should take him to a nice sunny spot and take his clothes and throughly inspect him and keep him there long enough to be absolutely certain."

Chloe grins. "Works for me. Clark? "

Clark stares down at his inexpensive dress shoe, side by side with Lex's beautiful leather shoes, and Chloe's sleek sexy strappy heels. His bashful gaze slides up to Chloe's sky blue eyes and Lex's foggy gray stare. Both of his friends are watching, waiting. Chloe's red lips are parted and there's a flush on her cheeks. Lex's face is gravely watchful, but his scarred lip is curved in a hopeful quirk. Clark's heart pounds as he whispers, "Okay."


	4. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (4/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark, Chloe, and Lex talk and tease.

Roses, in every shade of purple from pale lavender to deep wine to almost black, nod sleepily around the gray stones surrounding the outdoor pool area. Clark rocks happily in the huge hammock, staring up at the wine colored roses that mound the iron gazebo that shelters his companions' pale skin from the sun.  
　  
A few beams of sunlight slide through, dappling the sleek vanilla of Lex's back and the ivory curves of Chloe's side. Her hair gleams bright gold in the dots of light and a darker gold in the shadows, making him think of a dozing leopard. She snuggles closer against his shoulder as his hand glides up her side to cup the raspberry tipped temptation of her full breast.  
　  
Clark slides his other hand down his chest to stroke the back of Lex's bare head. He shivers at the sensation of the other man's soft breath brushing his hair and moving over the satisfied slackness of his cock. He spreads his thighs as Chloe's soft thigh hooks over his and Lex's hand explores the muscles of his stomach. Clark breaths in the heady scents of roses and sex. He closes his eyes and tilts his face upward, savoring the sense of well being and strength seeping through his skin.  
　  
Clark grins. Apparently he has an inner love god after all. He'd been filled with gloomy doubts after discovering that his last girlfriend had found a space slug a more satisfactory boyfriend than him. It had dented his already shaky romantic confidence, but his new partner's unabashed enthusiasm for getting him naked and keeping him that way had provided reassuring evidence that in the right circumstances, he is a bona fide love god.  
　  
Amazing how much easier sex had been with people who told him exactly what they wanted, where they wanted it, and when they wanted it. No more wondering whether to go with strokes, circles, or give octagons a try. No more wondering if that was a good moan or a bad moan. No worrying whether he'd done it long enough or too long. Whether he should switch to something else or stop.  
　  
"Why does Bizarro react so differently to sunlight?" Lex rubs his cheek against Clark's stomach. "It never seemed to mind exposure to sunlight until after it took your DNA."  
　  
"I don't know." Clark opens his eyes, looking down at the other man's head. He's not sure if he wants to share the fact that he's partly solar powered with his frienemy. This is going to be tricky, deciding how much he needs to share in order to protect the world from Bizarro and other Zoners while still preemptively protecting his own alien backside.  
　  
Just because the other man had spend the last hour tenderly making love to does not mean that Lex isn't perfectly capable of dropping an anvil on his head later by way of attempting to confirm some scientific theory about aliens. Does Lex need to know that the sun heals and feeds him? Clark lazily explores the curving rim of Lex's ear. "Allergic reaction?"  
　  
"Don't tell me that you are seriously floating that as a theory?" Lex slides up the heavily muscled length of Clark's body. He folds his forearms across the alien's wide chest and stares down at the brunette. "If Bizarro had an allergic reaction to your DNA, it would either be dead or forced to revert back to it's original ooze."  
　  
Clark rolls his eyes. "Fine. Maybe it's a mere side effect."  
　  
"To what?" Chloe rumples his hair. "Something in your DNA? To the merging of your DNA and his? To some element on Earth?"  
　  
"I dunno." Clark shrugs almost dislodging his partners. He grins at the annoyed looks that he gets from both as Lex resettles against Chloe's back and Chloe curls around him, tucking her head on his shoulder and sliding a thigh over his stomach.  
　  
"That's all you got?" Lex rests his head on the pillow and frowns at Clark over Chloe's head. "'I dunno?'"  
　  
"I'm not a walking talking encyclopedia of all things galactic. All I know about Bizarro is that he's one more freaking escapee from the Zone."  
　  
"The zone? What zone?" Lex demands. "What is it? Where is it?"  
　  
"Ummm...it's umm," Clark rubs his hand over his face. He hadn't meant for a reference to the Phantom Zone to slip out, but Lex and Chloe could always get to him in a way that no one else did. "Crap. Lex..."  
　  
"That crazy Bermuda Triangle," Chloe murmurs against his throat, "what will it do next?"  
　  
Clark holds his breath, watching hopefully as Lex turns that one over. Will his frienemy buy it? It's not like the Triangle doesn't get blamed for everything from missing persons to UFOs to eating Atlantis. What's one more thing? Damn. Why hadn't he thought of that? Could he maybe start writing articles arguing for the existence of a Metropolis...what? Arc? Circle? Polygon? Triangle? Octagon? Sphere?  
　  
"The Bermuda Triangle, my ass."  
　  
Clark shifts onto his side, reaching across Chloe to palm Lex's muscular backside. He squeezes. Oh, yeah. That feels so good. As good as Chloe's breasts peaking against his skin. "It's a very nice ass. Well worth the Triangle."  
　  
"I noticed that you seemed to have an inordinate fondness for fondling our asses." Lex stares at him.  
　  
"I...I..." Clark lifts his chin. "So what?"  
　  
Chloe pats his bicep. "So there's a very good chance that you'll get some. Don't let him trick you...inordinate works very well for him."  
　  
"Traitor." Lex pulls her hair lightly. "I never heard you complaining about my inordinate tendencies."  
　  
"What's to complain about?" Chloe asks. "I'm all for the occasion bout of inordinate, but some nights a girl just wants a nice bowl of vanilla ice cream."  
　  
"Good thing we've gone Neapolitan then." Lex kisses her shoulder.  
　  
Chloe glowers at him. "Are you comparing me to strawberry ice cream?"  
　  
"Raspberry would be more appropriate," Lex murmurs as his hand slides down her stomach. "What do you think, Clark?"  
　  
Clark cups her breasts and leans down to kiss the tight tips. "Ummmm. Not the least strawberry. Raspberry is right." He peeps downward, watching as Lex fingers gold curls. He strokes his palm over the softness of Chloe's flank and across her thigh, anchoring her knee against his side, opening her wider to Lex's touch.  
　  
"Ahh," Chloe gasps, her thigh tightening against Clark's side as Lex's fingers move lower. She pretends to glare at Clark through her tousled hair. "I'm beginning to think that you're more a caramel ripple than plain vanilla."  
　  
"What does that make Lex?" Clark rubs his thumbs over her nipples. "Dark chocolate marshmallow?"  
　  
"Marshmallow?" Lex peers ominously over Chloe's shoulder. "Did you say 'marshmallow', space boy?"  
　  
"What if I did?" Clark grins. "And you know what...now that I think about it, I bet it's probably more like milk chocolate with itty bitty mini-marshmallows."  
　  
Chloe presses her face into his shoulder, muffling a snigger.  
　  
"You got something you want to share?" Lex asks her. "Where do you stand on the marshmallow issue?"  
　  
"Ooohhh." Chloe's head falls back against Lex's shoulder as he presses closer to her. "Oh, god. Do that again."  
　  
"This?"  
　  
"No, you tease! The other...no, no, no...oh, god, yes. That! Keep doing that," Chloe orders. "What are you stopping for?"  
　  
"I'm waiting." Lex smirks at her. "You haven't given your opinion yet."  
　  
"Great big ginormous marshmallows?" Chloe waits hopefully. She squirms between the two men. "Wrong answer, huh? Okay...no marshmallows. Lex, not that...the other thing."  
　  
"You're getting closer to the right answer," Lex tells her.  
　  
"You expect me to think when you're doing that?" Chloe pants. "Okay. Okay. None. Deep dark darkity dark dark espresso chocolate ice cream."  
　  
"We have a winner." Lex purrs.  
　  
"Oooooh, yes! That's the one."  
　  
"That's bribery." Clark walks his fingers down Chloe's stomach and pets her soft curls.  
　  
Lex smiles sharply at him. "So?"  
　  
"Bad marshmallow." Clark smirks at his frienemy.


	5. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (5/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chlex/Clark have sex and then they go to Metropolis.

Lex stares back, gray eyes annoyed. "I am not a marshmallow."  
　  
"You know," Chloe suggests breathlessly, "once we leave here, we will need a code word to show that Clark's Clark. Something that he has to work into the conversation in the first two sentences."  
　  
"That's a great idea," Clark agrees. He rewards her by easing down, to spread kisses over her breasts.  
　  
"Ahhh." Chloe clutches his head. "That's good."  
　  
"It needs to be a word that Bizarro isn't likely to use..." Clark pauses to suck a ripe nipple into his mouth. His hand palms the soft resilient curve of her bottom. "Marshmallow, for example."  
　  
"Whatever you want," Chloe agrees as she steers him to her other breast. "Anything. Don't stop."  
　  
"No. We are not using 'marshmallow' as a code word," Lex objects. "It's ridiculous and undignified."  
　  
Clearly he's onto something that will annoy Lex. Clark grins as he buries his face between Chloe's ample white breasts. "Marshmallow."  
　  
Lex suggests, "What about 'paradigm'? That slobbery SOB isn't likely to use that word."  
　  
"Vote," Clark mumbles around a raspberry nipple. "Marshmallow."  
　  
"Paradigm." Lex looks at Chloe's rosy dazed face. He winks at her as his fingertips teasingly stroke across her entrance, pausing for minute dips inside to let her know what rides on her choice. "Well?"  
　  
"Clark? Are you sure that you want to pick....oh!" Her head arches against Lex's wide shoulder as Clark sucks harder on her nipple. Chloe gasps. "Oookay. Marshmallow."  
　  
Clark lifts his head. "Looks like you got outvoted, Lex."  
　  
Lex smirks at Clark. "I wouldn't look so smug if I were you."  
　  
"Why not?" Clark asks with belated wariness. Lex looks more amused than annoyed now, and the trembling of Chloe's slim shoulders is beginning to strike him as equal parts passion and restrained chortles. "Chloe?"  
　  
"Lex isn't the one who has to find a way to use 'marshmallow' in the first two sentences of a conversation. He's not the one whose identity is in doubt after we part," Chloe reminds him. "You are."

Oh, crap. He'd forgotten that part. How's he supposed to work marshmallows into every conversation that he has with them until Bizarro proves untrustworthy? Clark scowls at them. "I knew that. It will be a lot easier to throw 'marshmallows' into a conversation than 'paradigm'. I'm not seeing a problem."  
　  
"No? It's a slow day at the office. " Lex drops a kiss onto Chloe's red mouth. "I might call a press conference this afternoon. Have the Planet reporters seated...ummm, I believe in the center would be the most effective spot. Yes, the center of the herd where everyone can see you and you can't escape quickly."  
　  
Shit. And Perry would make them go to a Luthor conference. No ducking that one. Clark glares at Lex. "You wouldn't!"  
　  
"Oh, I can see that." Chloe speaks into her fist, pretending it's a microphone. "Mr. Luthor! Mr. Luthor!"  
　  
Lex looks gravely down at her. "Yes, Mr. Kent? What would a hard-hitting, prize winning, Daily Planet journalist like to ask me?"  
　  
Chloe stares back, a look of awful realization sliding over her face. She looks around at an imaginary audience of other reporters. "Mr. Luthor, Daily Planet readers want to know...about...uhm...your marshmallows. How big are they?"  
　  
"Very funny." Clark groans as Lex's hand sneaks across Chloe's hip and between his thighs. He trembles at the feel of Lex's slick fingers and the heat of Chloe's stare as she looks downward, watching Lex tease him. He arches into the other man's hand. "Oooooh, godgodgod."  
　  
Then Chloe's soft gasp is followed by Lex's heartfelt moan as her breasts flatten against his chest, peaked nipples rubbing against his skin as she arches her hips backwards as Lex pushes inside her. Clark focuses his hearing on the slick wet juicy sounds of Lex thrusting in and out and his own cock swells harder and hotter. He stares downward, squinting to watch the thrust of Lex's big cock and the responsive quiver of Chloe's enclosing softness as he listens to pound of their hearts, the panting rasp and hitch of their breathing, and wet slide of their bodies. It makes him feel like he's right in there too, thrusting with Lex as he matching Lex's pace. Then Chloe's small hands are closing around his cock, pumping him as Lex's hand closes hard around the arc of his flank and he's cumming over Chloe's stomach and Lex's thighs as the other two snap tight with their own climaxes against him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
Clark deposits Chloe in front of the ladies' room and zips into the men's. He stares as his reflection in the mirror. His hair is wildly tousled like a bunch of hamsters had been fighting in it, which now that he thinks about it, isn't that far from the truth. Both Lex and Chloe seemed to love knotting their fingers in his hair and using it to steer his mouth wherever they wanted it. His mouth looks swollen, bigger and pinker than usual.  
　  
His dress shirt is still mostly unbuttoned and his trousers are unzipped. Who knew that what was supposed to be a fast shower with his partners afterwards could turn into a marathon event? Or that it would be so difficult to get dressed again afterwards. Speeding to work hadn't helped his hair look any better after his partners' attentions, but at least it had blown the wrinkles out of his inexpensive suit.  
　  
A quick peek into the ladies, reveals Chloe adjusting her skirt, slip, and shirt. Her golden hair looks as crazily curled and rumpled as his does. Clark zips up his trousers and quickly buttons his shirt. Too bad her throng hadn't survived their first encounter. How is he supposed to work around her all day, knowing that she's bare beneath that demure skirt? Knowing what she feels like, what she tastes like. He glances at the frosted glass covering the window...or knowing that Lex's equally delicious self is only the width of the street away. God, he's never going to get any work done today.  
　  
Assuming that Tess doesn't fire his ass. Can he trick her and everyone else into believing that he's been somewhere in the building all morning? Or that he was out covering a sudden outburst of news events? Chloe's right that Tess won't fire him in he brings Lex into it, but he doesn't want her treating him differently because he's boffing Lex Luthor. The last thing that he wants Lex to think is that he's doing Lex for the perks and not solely because he wants Lex. His frienemy has had far too much of that already.  
　  
Clark slides his tie neatly into place, then tucks his dangling shirt tails into place. He dampens his hands under the tap and runs them through his hair, settling the heavy strands back into a resemblance of order. He sighs as a curl pops out on his forehead in immediate defiance. Clark leans toward the mirror and hastily tugs a few more curls down to join the first one until he has a messy bangs look going on. That's gonna have to do. Maybe Tess won't even notice that he's late. He might be a prize-winning reporter, but he's only one of the many on staff.


	6. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (6/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark encounters Tess.

All his worries had been for nothing. No one had even seemed to notice that he'd been missing for the better part of the morning. He'd typed up some articles at his computer, chatted casually with his fellow reporters, and left the building to chase down a few more facts to follow-up on an idea that one of his articles had given him for another piece. And there had been no sign of that slobbery space slug anywhere. Maybe Bizarro really is trying. Clark hums an optimistic little tune under his breath as he strides through the Daily Planet's doors, across the lobby, and toward the elevator.  
　  
He glances casually over his shoulder at the sudden accelerating clatter of heels behind him and sees his new boss. Clark holds the elevator door as Tess stalks closer, red hair pulled tightly back, and her curvy body tightly wrapped in a dark mustard suit. When word had gotten around that Lex had put biologist in charge of the newly acquired Daily Planet, the whole staff has assumed that she and Lex were doing the naughty. There had been lots of jokes about how two ice cubes had sex.  
　  
But he had never been able to see it. For one thing, Lex had never struck him as remotely ice cube-ish. Lex might be deep-freeze cold at times, but there was always the sense of hot passions, barely restrained simmering beneath the other man's polished surface. Tess, he's not so sure about. Of course, he hasn't known her as long as he has Lex. Or as well. Clark grins as he thinks of the beard burn that he'd left on Lex. Plus it's not like Lex to pick a girlfriend to run a LexCorp subsidiary...unless there is something else behind it.  
　  
Some curvy, curly, convoluted Luthor scheme. Which would explain why Lex hadn't said anything to him about it 'cause Lex knows how he feels about that sort of thing. Although he'd watched closely on the few occasions that he'd seen Tess and Lex together, but he's never gotten any sense that there's more to the relationship than the fact that Lex values Tess' fierce loyalty and is mentoring her. He doesn't approve of the Daily Planet being Tess' teething ring, but as long as Lex is keeping an eye her, the Planet probably won't suffer too much from being run by someone who knows nothing about journalism.  
　  
"Good afternoon, Miss Me..." Clark squeaks as she grabs his tie and yanks him deeper into the elevator. The doors close with a clang as he allows her to shove him up against the polished metal back. Uh-oh. Had she discovered that he'd been extremely late? "What's..."  
　  
"Shut up." She snarls at him. "I don't know what Lex sees in you, or why he thinks you're so special, but I don't care."  
　  
Lex told Tess that he's special? Clark brightens.  
　  
"Are you listening to me?" Tess thumps him against the metal again. "I don't care about any of that."  
　  
"Okay." Clark looks down at the furious redhead. She might be kinda of alarming if he hadn't had a front row seat to so many Lex fits. Why does she care about his relationship with Lex? Is she jealous? Tough. Lex is his now. His and Chloe's and there's no chance that they are tossing Lex back onto the market. "You don't care. Got it."  
　  
"I don't know how you found about about me and Lois."  
　  
Lois? Clark's eyes round in surprise. Tess...and Lois? He had no idea that Lois liked girls like that, much less that she and Tess were having some sort of secret fling. Why does Tess think that he knows? Maybe because he's Lois' partner? Lois does tend to be on the mouthy side, but she can keep a mean secret when she wants to. To think that he's spent so many evenings sitting in bars with her, nodding sympathetically as she complained about Oliver and brooding over the lack of romance in her relationships.  
　  
Tess leans closer, her thigh moves between his, menacing his balls. "But I promise you...you breathe one word...ONE...about it, I will rip your balls off. You will never work as a journalism again. You got me?"  
　  
Clark frowns back. If Tess is ashamed of being with Lois then she doesn't deserve her. "You're embarrassed about seeing Lois? Then you need to stop seeing her. Lois is a terrific person and I won't have you hurting her like that. She's been through enough of that."  
　  
Tess stares hard at him and then releases him. She steps back. "You really care about Lois. You weren't trying to blackmail me, you wanted to warn me off."  
　  
"Blackmail?" Clark asks. His eyebrows rise. Where on earth had she gotten that? Oh, crap...Bizarro. Why had maggot boy switched from obscene calling to blackmail? Had it gotten bored? Was it trying to get a bankroll together? Shit. Now he's gotta talk to it about getting a job. This is more work than when he'd adopted Shelby with none of the benefits and joy. He doesn't even like Bizarro. Clark huffs. "Of course not! Lois is my partner, my friend. I don't want her to get hurt."  
　  
Tess smooths an escaping strand of hair back into her upswept do. Her frown eases. "Don't expect any special treatment because you know, Kent."  
　  
"Wait." Clark hits the hold button as the elevator dings. "If you aren't ashamed of her..."  
　  
"Ashamed of Lois?" Tess glowers at him. "Where did you get a crazy idea like that?"  
　  
"You. You were threatening me."  
　  
"Oh. That." Tess shrugs. "That's still in play, Kent. Spill it to your buddies, to anyone at the Planet, and you can kiss your balls goodbye."  
　  
"Why all the secrecy if you are so proud of dating Lois?" Clark demands suspiciously.  
　  
"This is new for Lois, so we're taking it slow. She's not out yet either, but when she's ready...I'll be waiting for her. Until then, stay the fuck out of it." Tess punches the button and the doors slide open. "Get to work, Kent, and stop bugging me."


	7. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (7/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark confronts Bizarro on the DP rooftop.

Clark rummages amid the piles of boxes stacked on wobbly metal shelves in the supply room. He neatly stacks unwanted boxes to one side until he finally gets to the box of Daily Planet notepads. He grabs one for him and one for Lois. Then adds a pair of DP logo mechanical pencils to his loot and two blocks of sticky notes, blue for him and orange for Lois. Clark nods at the other reporter on a restocking run.

He strolls out of the room like he's got nothing at all on his mind. Like he hadn't volunteered to make the trip to the supply room to have an excuse to visit this floor with it's rarely used restrooms, so conveniently located next to the doors leading to the rooftop. He ambles into the restroom and sets his supplies on the metal rack next to the door. A quick squint at the stalls reassures him that he's got the room all to himself. He glances at the ceiling panels in an automatic check to make certain that Tess hadn't added security cameras here yet and that his emergency Clark clothes and Super suit are there. Reassured on those points, Clark stands in front of the mirror. "Jor El!"

The mirror fogs over and the Jor El's face floats amid the white cloudy wisps. "Yes, my son?"

"Where is Bizarro?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I want to talk to him, okay?" Clark sighs. Can't anything be easy with the Fortress? All he needs is a simple answer to a perfectly straightforward factual question, but nooo...that would be too easy. He glances at his watch, wondering how much time he can claim it took for him to grab some supplies. "Where is he?"

"He's becoming accustomed to human ways, Kal El." Jor El frowns . "I only wish that you had shown half as much dedication to studying the ways of your people as he has to learning the ways of strangers."

Uh oh. Clark frowns back at the A.I.'s frosty image as he thinks of where all Jor El's studies seem to lead. "You haven't sent him out to conquer the world have you?"

"No. That's your job."

"I want to talk to him, Jor El. Now. Where is he lurking?"

"Kansas."

"But...it's day time! Is he oozing under a rock somewhere? Hiding in the Kawatchee caves?" Clark demands. Maybe Bizarro is standing in the middle of a field somewhere being all blue and stony. He imagines crows pooping on Bizarro's head and grins.

"I wish you would at least try to get along with your brother, Kal El."

Clark's grin disappears. "He. Is. Not. My. Brother."

"We decided to name him Biz El."

"Oh, god." Clark rubs a hand over his face.

"It's nice to have one son who appreciates all that we've done for him. You should have seen how happy your brother was when we figured out how to cure his skin condition."

Clark drops his hand and stares. "His skin condition? Are you saying that he can go out in sunlight now? What have you done?"

"Biz El's dermatological problem is completely cured as long as he continues to...never mind." Jor El sniffs. "I don't see any point in explaining the biochemistry involved to you. You are hardly at a level to appreciate it. Maybe once you've achieved the gold level in your studies."

He glances at his watch. He so does not have time for this. Maybe if he yells, it will come. Clark stalks out of the restroom, slamming the door. He speeds up the stairwell to the Planet's rooftop and yells, "Bizarro!"

There's a fffffffffpt of displaced air and then Bizarro is lounging against the shadowed side of the bricks. "It's Biz El."

"At least you got the 'it' part right." Clark glares at the other alien. "What have you been doing?"

"Moi?"

"I told you to stay away from my friends!"

"Tsk. Tsk. Don't be selfish. Your friends are my friends. We're brothers after all. Practically twins."

"No, we aren't! You're some sort of DNA stealing space maggot and I'm a Kryptonian."

"Ouch." Bizarro claps a dramatic hand to his chest and staggers back. "Sharper than a brother's tooth..."

"That's serpent's tooth," Clark snaps, 'and it hardly applies."

"What's your problem? Jor El said that you always wanted a sibling...and here I am." Bizarro spreads his arms. "Who needs a hug?"

"Get away from me." Clark takes a step backwards. "Why did you obscene call Lana?"

Bizarro smirks. "I wanted to hear her voice again...is that so wrong?"

"You called Chloe and Lex, too." Clark clenches his fists.

Bizarro grins. "Chloe's a real firecracker, isn't she? Add her boyfriend into the mix...and wow, talk about a nuclear meltdown. That was some three way call. You wouldn't believe what they tempted me with in an attempt to lure me into a face to face meeting. I let them think that I would. I can't believe that they bought that...I mean really, how stupid do I look? Oh, wait...scratch that. I forgot that I look like you."

Clark growls. "Did you touch them?"

"Didn't touch either one of them, but if it would bother you that much...I may need to reconsider."

"No, you don't," Clark responds with grim quietness. "You don't touch them. You don't obscene call them. And the same goes for my parents and the rest of my friends."

Bizarro shrugs. "Whatever."

"And stop trying to blackmail Tess."

"Don't get your boxers in a twist, she hung up on me before I could get to that part."

"If you want money, get a job like the rest of us."

"Trying to turn me into a productive citizen?" Bizarro grins. "Don't worry. I've already got a job."

"Really?" Clark relaxes. That sounds promising. And Bizarro had done it without even getting a lecture or threats. Maybe it can learn to do better. "What kind of job?"

"One with prospects."

That's not telling him much. Is Bizarro ashamed of the job? 'Cause really...what sort of job could a space slug qualify for? Clark considers Bizarro's complacent expression. No. Whatever the job is, Ol' Oozy is pleased about it. His eyes widen as it occurs to him that Lionel would hire Bizarro as a personal attack slug in a second. "Not LuthorCorp?"

"Booooring. No. I'm...more of a traveling salesman. It's not a full time position, but it keeps Krypto in food."

It hadn't occurred to him to wonder what Bizarro's pet eats. It's not like Bizarro can find bags of Krypto Chow between the dog food and hamster kibbles at a store. What if hamsters are kibble for Krypto? Is Bizarro stealing hamsters from the petstores? Clark rubs a hand over his face as he imagines being arrested for grand thieft hamster because Bizarro had paused to give a security camara movie star smile. Maybe he should give in and drag Bizarro around town or quietly tell people that he's discovered that he has a long lost evil twin. Clark offers, "Would Shelby's food work? I'll be glad to give you a bag."

Bizarro snorts. "Krypto's physiology isn't like a dog's, but thanks for the offer. I was worried about what he might be able to eat here, but I finally found the perfect things that meet all his nutritional requirements."

Things? What sort of things? Things as in 'spring chickens'? Things as in 'free range cowboys'? Clark frowns. "What does Krypto eat exactly?"

"Marshmallows."

"What?" Clark blinks. Had Bizarro just said...

"Marshmallows. He loves 'em. Especially the pink and green ones."

Crap. Bizarro not only knows about marshmallows, but uses them on regular basis. He's gotta tell Lex and Chloe that they need a new code word stat.

Bizarro leaps into the air. "I'd love to stay and indulging in more fraternal bonding, but I've got go sell. See ya, brother!"

"I am NOT your brother!" Clark yells as the alien zooms off into the blue skies. Crap, crap, crap. He turns and stomps back toward the door.


	8. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (8/17)

Clark walks back into the bullpen. He brightens as he sees Chloe perching on his desk and chatting with Lois. He strolls up behind his partner and lightly tugs the end of her bouncing ponytail. "Hi, Lois."

"Do that again and die, Smallville." Lois turns to face him. Her gaze drops to his empty hands. "Where is my notepad and pencil?"

Oops. Clark tucks his hands into his pocket. "Sorry, Lois. I forgot."

"You forgot? You got in the elevator and went all the way to up to the freezing wastelands of the supply room maze and forgot what you were doing there?" Lois shakes her head. She glances over her shoulder at Chloe. "You see? You see what I have to work with?"

"It's a tragedy, alright." Chloe slides her hand over her thigh, pretending to smooth her skirt. She looks up at Clark through her golden lashes.

"Hi, Chloe." Clark smiles slowly at her. His eyelids droop sleepily as he admires the curves of her breasts.

"I needed that pad. See?" Lois picks up her small notebook and flashes the empty interior at them. She clicks her mechanical pencil. "And this is almost out of lead, Don't you hate that?"

"There's nothing like a pencil full of lead. Unless it's acess to two pencil filled with lead. Perhaps you should keep a spare on hand, Lois. I do." Chloe holds up one finger and waves it at Clark.

What's she...Clark sighs loudly. He gives her a look over Lois' back as Lois bends to rummage in her desk drawers. They'd only had a quickie on the photocopier not an hour ago, and they've been walking by each other's desk for most of the day. "Come on."

Chloe holds a second finger up and gives him a meaningful look. She drops her hand to her knee as her cousin slams the last drawer and straightens.

"Damn it. I can't believe that I don't have a single extra pencil or extra lead in my desk." Lois scowls at Clark like it's somehow his fault.

"Don't look at me. I can't help it if you keep losing your pencils and leads," Clark tells her.

"Extra lead is a terrible thing to waste," Chloe murmurs. Her blue eyes glint with amusement.

His lead is only getting more extra when she looks at him like that. Clark rearranges his jacket, silently grateful that he hadn't taken it off and draped it over his chair.

"I didn't waste it. I used it." Lois tosses her last pencil on the desk.

"Oh, well, in that case...good for you." Chloe's gaze dips below Clark's waist. "Lead should always be well used and never wasted."

"I set the supplies down when I stopped by the men's room, Lois." Clark winks at Chloe. "I'll go grab them and to make up for the inconvenience, I'll go down to the first floor coffee shop and get you a maple doughnut and a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. Okay?"

Lois sits down in her chair and crosses her legs. "Make it a large chocolate, Smallville, and you've got deal."

Chloe slips off his desk. "I'll go back upstairs with you, Clark. I could use a lead refill."


	9. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (9/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark discovers Lex meeting with Bizarro.

Clark hastily wipes his mouth with a napkin and tosses it into the trash. He glances at his watch as he walks out of the fast food place. A quick burger will have to hold him until dinner, if he's going to have time to sneak over to LexCorp, and warn Lex that they need another code word. Paradigm will have to do in the interim since it's the only other password that they had all discussed. How the heck is he supposed to drop that into a conversation?

"Hello, Lex. How's your paradigm hanging? It's paradigm time! It's one o'clock, do you know where your paradigm is? Don't mess with me or I'll dump a big bag of paradigm on your step and set it on fire." Clark smiles weakly as a passerby stares at him and gives him extra space on the sidewalk. Great. Now total strangers think he's crazy. He chants, "Paradigm, paradigm, paradigm, paradigm."

The word simply refuses to roll off his tongue, sweet and smooth like 'pie' for example. Or 'cookies'. He sniffs appreciatively as he walks by a sweet shop. What about 'butterscotch' for the next code word? Ummm, butterscotch chip cookies. Clark stops as he notices that his reflection isn't moving with him. Instead it's sitting at a table across from Lex.

He stares between the frosted letters spelling out the bakery's name to see Bizarro biting off a gingerbread man's head while staring at Lex as if wondering what the human's spine would taste like. A plate holding two more gingerbread men and a cup of coffee sit in front of Bizarro next to a red mesh grocery sack that holds plastic bags of marshmallows. Nonono. Clark gasps as Lex sets down a coffee mug and pulls one of the marshmallow bags out to examine the tiny pink and green contents. Oh, crap! Clark rushes into the sweet shop and snatches the bag out of Lex's hands. "Those are bad marshmallows."

Lex blinks up at him. "Bad marshmallows?"

Clark nods vigorously. He throws the bag to Bizarro and glares at the other alien. "Very bad. I'd even go so far as to call them 'evil'...a complete paradigm of marshmallow evilness."

"Don't worry, Clark. I know a bad marshmallow when I see one. Cookie?" Lex nudges the small plate next to his coffee cup closer to Clark.

He didn't think that Lex ate cookies. Clark gives the plate a curious look. Shortbread, huh? That's Chloe's favorite. In his opinion, nothing can outdo a chocolate chip cookie. He accepts one and finishes it in two bites. "Thanks. It's no marshmallow paradigm, but it's not bad."

"What is it with you two and marshmallows?" Bizarro stuffs his marshmallow bag back into the sack. "Please tell me that it's something sick and sticky that will add that extra oomph-pa-pa. The 'Metropolis Starburn' said that my 'Sexy Lexy Does Twinsville' story didn't offer any fresh twists on the theme."

"That's your new job...writing 'articles'" Clark makes sarcastic quote marks with his fingers, "for that trashy rag?"

"We can't all be investigative journalists. Besides it occurred to me that having a twin brother who writes trashy 'articles'," Bizarro mocks the Kryptonian's quote mark gesture, "would make your pitiful little career more interesting. Imagine going to the same press conferences. Won't that be fun?"

"You never set foot on the Met U campus, much less studied journalism or worked at a newspaper. Like even that tabliod would give you a..." Clark gasps as Bizarro holds up a press ID. He sinks down into the empty chair between Bizarro and Lex. He stares at Bizarro in horror as he thinks of all the malicious havoc that the other alien can unleash on his work life. He'll need to guard his own press ID like it's secret Kryptonian tech. He's hiding it in his loft the second he gets home. "Oh, god."

"You told me to get a job. Being an overachiever, I now have two jobs. Twice the opportunity to widen my horizons. Expand my options. But apparently they aren't expanded enough...I give up." Bizarro eats his gingerbread man's legs. "What do you do with the marshmallows? And don't spare any details."

"Shut up," Clark snaps. "I told you to stay away from Lex."

"I can't help myself." Bizarro nibbles on a cookie arm. "When the man who has the biggest meteor rock stockpile in the world asks me out, I have to say yes."

Clark turns big eyes on his lover. "Lex?"

"I felt the need to share a words on the negative impact that attempting to blackmail a Luthor can have on one's future." Lex drinks his coffee, gray eyes watchful over the white rim of the cup.

"Yeah, and I'm sooooo scared." Bizarro eats the rest of his cookie. He smirks. "What are you gonna do...send him after me?"

"Blackmail? I told you to stop that. You should be scared." Clark narrows his eyes menacingly at the other alien.

"No, you told me to stop blackmailing Tess. You didn't say that I couldn't blackmail Lex." Bizarro slouches in his chair. He reaches for another cookie. "What are you gonna do? Bore me red and blue with some tedious lecture?"

"I can always shove you back where you came from, if you persist in acting like this," Clark threatens.

"Can you? I'm beginning to have a few doubts on the subject." Bizarro bares his teeth at Clark.

"No blackmailing anybody." Clark glances at his lover, wondering what Bizarro had discovered. Whatever it is, it has to be something that Lex takes seriously, or his frienemy wouldn't be here in person. He's going to pay for asking later, but he can't not ask. "Lex?"

"Yes, Clark?" Lex looks back him, eyes and face blank. His gaze skates past Clark's shoulder. He rises and offers his chair to Chloe as she walks over. "Miss Sullivan, please join us."

"Mr. Luthor." Chloe smiles at him. She sit down in his chair and places a coffee mug on the table. "Thank you. I would love to."

"Chloe?" Clark whispers as Lex moves down, settling onto a chair between Bizzaro and Chloe. "What are you doing here?"

She looks from him to Bizarro and raises an eyebrow at him. Chloe picks up a shortbread cookie, nibbles on it, and then takes a sip of her coffee.

"Oh, come on," Clark protests as he looks from his frienemy's smirk to Chloe's blue eyes. She has to know that he's him. Lex seated her so that she'd be protectively placed between them instead of next to Bizarro. He sighs. "Fine. I expect to get extra marshmallows tonight."

"Indeed?" Lex looks him slowly up and down. "I had reports that you had been snacking on marshmallows all day while I was working."

"So we shared a few bags." Chloe shrugs. "What did you expect? Don't tell me that you wouldn't do the same if a bag of marshmallows showed up at LexCorp."

"Unfortunately none has and I'm taking that...very hard." Lex smirks at Clark. "I believe that I'm owed some takeout marshmallows."

Chloe smiles, her eyes shading to a darker blue. "Take-out sounds good to me. What about you, Clark?"

"I'm...up for that," Clark responds, his voice deepening to a tone that makes a pink flush rise on Chloe's face, and Lex's scarred mouth take on a sensual curve.

"Hello! Remember me?" Bizarro slaps a hand down on the tabletop. He scowls at them, unhappy with their distraction. He looks at Lex. "I didn't come here to hear about you and your sicko marshmallow fetish...I'm here to get the goods. You can hand over your briefcase now."

"Forget it. He's not handing over anything to you." Clark frowns across the table at his frienemy as Lex picks up a metal briefcase. He squints curiously at it, expecting to see stacks of bills, but he can only see thin sheets of lead. Oh, shit. He involuntarily pushes his chair further back. "Lex...is that...the green stuff?"

"Yummmmmmy." Bizarro purrs. "Yummy, yummy refined green rock bricks. You don't think I'd waste my blackmail material on mere money, do you, brother?"

"I'm not your brother," Clark responds on autopilot. God. What does Bizarro have on Lex to get the man to give up refined meteor rock? That would make Lex decide to take on the risk of a personal meeting instead of sending a minion? Clark stares at his lover. "Lex? What is he blackmailing you about?"

"If I wanted people to know then it wouldn't be blackmail material, would it?" Lex asks caustically.  He holds Clark's gaze and lowers his voice. "Trust me."


	10. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (10/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark, Chloe, and Lex talk in bed.

Clark relaxes in the noon sunshine spilling through the windows. To think that he'd never bothered to peek because he'd assumed that the always closed door in Lex's office simply opened onto a bathroom. The room is the same size as his own bedroom and the paint...hey, wait a minute. It's the exact same shade of soft sunny yellow as his bedroom. He'd been too busy getting his lovers naked to notice it earlier. He squints at the paint. It's not only the exact same damned shade, but even the same damned brand. What the heck does that mean? And how had Lex found out? Why had Lex bothered to find out?

He eyes the fat pillows scattered over the bed. Now that he has time to think about it, flannel covered pillows are so not a Lex thing, and those plaid patterns look familiar. Like the faded brown and cream. He used to have a shirt in that exact color and pattern until it had blown off the clothesline one day. And one like that beige and blue; he'd left it hanging over the back of a chair while he left the Talon to talk on the sidewalk with Chloe and when he came back, it had been gone. And one like that green and red number that he used to wear every December until Chloe had spilled cranberry punch on it and...his brows knit together in dawning suspicion as he notices a faint pinkish stain marking the corner of the pillow that Lex is dozing on. Clark tugs the edge of the pillow. "You stole my shirts!"

Lex opens one eye for a brief glower. He pulls the pillow further under his head, and closes his eye again.

"And my paint!"

That gets both of Lex's eyes slitted open for a second, before drifting closed again. "Don't be ridiculous, Clark. How could I possibly steal the paint from your walls? I bought that paint."

"You?" Clark stares dubiously at the other man as he tries and fails to imagine Lex's elegant self strolling down the aisles of a big box store. "You bought this paint?"

"His decorator bought it, if you want to be specific," Chloe mumbles from Lex's shoulder. "Bitching all the way."

"Not to me," Lex tells her. "Why are we talking about paint?"

Chloe chuckles. "Not the usual post coital conversational topic for you?"

"No. I usually get rave reviews, and gushy comments." Lex opens his eyes and gives her an affectionate look. He kisses the top of her head. "You were much more interested in the quality of my coffee than the size of my diamonds."

"A girl's gotta have priorities. Decent coffee is way more important than mere diamonds, and so are quality marshmallows." Chloe tips her head back and kisses his jaw.

Clark jabs a finger at the wall, ignoring their comments. "That is my paint. From my bedroom."

"It's my paint." Lex yawns. "From my designer. Want to see the receipts?"

"And this," Clark pokes his frienemy's pillow, "is my shirt."

"Was your shirt. Is my pillow," Lex corrects.

"Why?" Clark demands as he settles on his elbows next to Lex. "Why steal my shirts? You can buy them at Fordman's, you know."

"I do know. But then they wouldn't be your shirts, would they?" Lex opens his eyes and blinks sleepily. "Genuine Clark Kent flannels."

Chloe watches Clark across Lex's chest. Her hand slides idly over vanilla skin. "It made us feel like you were here, exactly where we wanted you."

"And like we were fucking in your bedroom, on your bed," Lex adds huskily. "Chloe and I both have quite a few fantasies about you...in your bedroom...on your bed."

"Have you ever done it?" Clark asks, his voice deepening as he imagines walking on Chloe and Lex fucking on his bed. He slides his thigh across Lex' legs. His foot teases the curve of Chloe's ankle and calf. "Fucked on my bed?"

Lex and Chloe trade a glance. Lex smirks at him and strokes Chloe's tousled hair. "I think we'll let you wonder about it."

"Next Saturday night. We're so fucking on my bed." Clark groans as he imagines Chloe touching herself on his bed as he watches her and Lex sucks him. Imagines sliding into Chloe's wetness while Lex slides into him. "God, I can't wait."

Chloe grins. "Your parents still doing the monthly date night thing?"

Clark nods. "Every third Saturday of the month. They going out on a date in Metropolis. Have dinner. Catch a show or concert or go dancing, and spend the night at a nice hotel."

Lex smiles slowly. "I'll clear my calendar."

"You do that." Clark slides his hand down the amazing smoothness of Lex's chest and stomach. The other man's skin is marble smooth and velvet soft as it flows over hard muscle, showing no trace of Lex's many injuries. Lex feels completely different from Chloe who is rich with soft curves. Her skin, like her hair, holds subtle variations in color and texture. Her scars tell her history from the small one on knee, souvenir of a long ago bike crash, to the thin spiderweb of scars hidden by her hair from when the tattooed thugs had shoved her out one of the castle's windows. Clark leans across Lex to kiss Chloe.

"Wear the pearls," Lex tells Chloe. "You look amazing in those."

"Pearls?" Clark asks. He'd been thinking about pulling out his old football jersey, but he's willing to consider the other man's ideas. He imagines Chloe on his bed, wearing nothing except pearls and a smile. Definitely one of Lex's better ideas.

"On our first anniversary, Lex gave me a long pearl necklace." Chloe leans up on her elbows and drops a kiss on Lex's mouth. She turns her head, offering her lips to Clark. "Any special requests?"

Clark kisses her, rolling onto his back so that she's sprawled across both him and Lex. He palms her breast as she lifts her head and looks down at him with dark blue eyes. He licks his lips as he thinks of having her and Lex in his bedroom. He adds sheer black stockings to his mental image of Chloe and moans. "Ohhh. I want stockings. Black. Sheer. The kind with those lace tops."

"Ummmm." Lex purrs next to him. "Excellent choice."

"My turn to present my wish list." Chloe spreads her palms over Clark's wide as she braces herself and looks down into his jade eyes. "I want you in jeans. Top button unsnapped. Flannel shirt open."

"Okay." Clark traces the red curve of her lips with his finger. "I can do that."

"Wear the olive and black shirt that you had on last Friday," Lex orders.

"Planning to steal another shirt?" Clark turns his head and looks into the dark silver of the other man's eyes. "That one's new. You can't have it."

"A challenge...that should add more spice to the night." Lex smiles, schemes simmering in his gaze.

Clark mentally kisses his new shirt goodbye. At this rate he'll need to start a shirt fund. Make Lex and Chloe drop a dollar in a coffee can every time they use his bedroom. They'd probably stuff it full simply to make him crazy with imagining them there. He gives Lex a stern look and repeats, "You can't have it."

Lex fondles the red and green pillow under his head and looks smug. "We'll see."

"And you," Chloe considers Lex. "White dress shirt. No tie. Open collar. Black jacket and trousers."

Clark thinks of the extra thrill that he'd gotten from knowing that Chloe had been oh-so-casually going about her work day without panties. He clears his throat. "No underwear."

"Clark." Lex frowns repressively at him.

Chloe grins widely. "Excellent choice."

"You heard me." Clark smirks. "No underwear. None."

"I'm familiar with the word 'no'." Lex gives him a haughty look.

"Are you?" Clark asks. "Because I think you're kinda shaky on the whole concept of 'no' and 'none'...at least as to how it applies to you."

Gray eyes narrow. "No boxers for you. If I'm going commando, so are you."

"Hey," Clark begins to protest.

"I like it," Chloe cuts him off. She wiggles against them with a happy sigh. "Oh, yeah. I like it a lot."

Lex cuts Clark a look. "See what you've done now?"

"I like it," Clark echoes teasingly. "I like it a lot."

"Wait until there's nothing between you and your jeans. See how much you like it then." Lex cups a hand behind Clark's head and pulls him in for a kiss.


	11. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (11/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark finds out why Lex gave the Green K to Bizaro.

"Mmmm." Clark touches Chloe's arm, his fingers tracing the line where her bone had broken in the fall. His palm moves across her skin, soothing the ancient hurt and glides over her hand to Lex's hip. He follows the flow of lean muscle back upwards, silently marveling the perfect smoothness under his palm. There's no physical trace of the many times that Lex had been hurt, except for the scar marking the curve of upper lip.

He softens their kiss, the tip of his tongue caressing the scar, before he pulls back. As he turns to kiss Chloe, something clicks into place; she had deliberately gone to the sweet shop. Had known to go there. Clark looks from her to Lex. "You asked Chloe to meet you and Bizarro?"

Lex meets his stare. "Yes."

"He texted me," Chloe adds.

"But not me. Why not?" Clark answers his own question as he tugs a strand of Chloe's hair between his fingers. "You already knew, didn't you? About whatever Lex was being blackmailed about."

Chloe nods. "I knew what he planned to do. I insisted on being there. If things had gone wrong...if Bizarro...if anything happened to Lex, I needed to know."

"Did you think that I wouldn't?" Clark snaps.

She touches his cheek, fingertips rasping against his shaved skin. "I know that you would, Clark, but..."

Lex sighs loudly. "Chloe is my executrix. In the event of my untimely demise, she has responsibilities that go beyond hunting the bastard down like an offended Maenad. Although I do fully expect her to go Maenad all over whichever murderous bastard finally nails me."

Chloe slides off them, curling against Clark's side. She looks upwards at the ceiling as though pleading for patience. "That would make you Dionysus, I suppose. Why am I so not surprised?"

"No one is nailing anyone except in a non-homicidal way. Tell me what's going on," Clark orders, "and leave Greek gods out of it."

"The Maenads weren't gods, Clark," Lex starts in a condescending tone. "They were..."

"Dionysus groupies," Chloe interrupts. She gives Lex a dark look across Clark's chest. "The longer I think about that particular analogy, the more offended I get."

"How can I make that up to you?" Lex smirks at her. "Want a marshmallow?"

"Don't make me tell you where you can shove your marshmallow," Chloe warns with mock menace.

Lex widens his eyes at her. "Somewhere interesting I hope...somewhere Greek perhaps?"

Clark grabs the other man and kisses him, long and deep, until Lex is flushed and nearly breathless. He finally releases to Lex to the sound of Chloe's applause. "No more talking about Greeks or their marshmallows, okay? Some of us have to try to work this afternoon."

"If that's the way you feel about it," Lex murmurs. A slow inviting smile curves his mouth. "I can talk about the Classics for hours. Where shall I begin?"

"Stop that." Clark wraps an arm around each of his partners, tucking them close against his sides. The gesture makes him feel slightly more in control of the situation. His mouth tightens. What had Lex dragged Chloe into? Why had they risked meeting with Bizarro and handing over Green K that's only going to make the monster stronger? Do they think that he can't take the other alien? Because he so can. It's only figuring out what to do with the alien afterwards that's the problem. Clark frowns at his lovers. "What was Bizarro blackmailing you about?"

"Nothing." Lex smiles, radiating satisfaction.

"Chloe?" Clark demands, turning a stern gaze on her. "What was Lex getting blackmailed about?"

She shrugs. "Nothing."

"You built another secret lab, didn't you?" Clark frowns down at Lex and then looks at Chloe. "How could you let him do that?"

"You're blaming me? You think I'm in control of that?" Chloe waves a hand at Lex. She pulls away and sits up, tucking her pillow behind her back. "Get real, Clark."

"Of course, he's blackmailing me about a secret lab," Lex pushes up on his elbows and scowls. "What else could it be? It's not like I have any other demands on my time. I live to build secret labs from coast to coast. You do realize that if I actually had secret labs that I wouldn't be able to file insurance claims every time that league of cretins that you two play with," Lex spreads a dark look between Chloe and Clark, "decide to destroy my property."

"He won't stop until he has one in every state. I can't wait until he gets to Hawaii." Chloe squirms against her pillow, trying to get comfortable. "I've already got my bikini picked out."

"Is it red?" Lex asks. "Will you wear it to the grand opening?"

Chloe replies, "Wait and see."

"Would you just tell me?" Clark sighs. "What does Bizarro have on you?"

"I did tell you." Lex grabs a red flannel pillow and smacks it hard. He fluffs it up and leans across Clark to tuck the pillow behind Chloe. "You didn't believe me. Better?"

"Perfect." Chloe steals a kiss from him. "Thanks."

"You said 'nothing'." Clark watches as Lex creates a flannel pillow mound between his lean back and the headboard.

"That's right." Lex glowers down at him. "I did."

"He's got nothing on you." Clark frowns, trying to wrap his mind around that idea. But if Bizarro had nothing, why had Lex tamely handed over the Green K? He massages his temple, trying to think like a Luthor makes his head hurt. So Bizarro had nothing, but thought that he had something good enough to make Lex give up the green. And Chloe knew. That means...Clark looks up into Lex's smoky stare. "You psyched him out. Planted some info and let him find it...like me setting a bowl of dog food out for Shelby."

"He found it sooner than we'd hoped." Chloe hides a yawn behind her hand. "I was afraid that we might have made it too easy for him to find. That he'd get suspicious."

"But he bought the whole enchilada. Fortunately, I had everything ready to go." Lex slips lower as he relaxes against his pillows. "It was only a matter of setting up a meeting. Bizarro was in too big a hurry to get his hands on the refined rocks to be difficult."

"So the whole blackmail thing was an excuse to slip Bizarro green meteor rocks?" Clark runs his hand through his hair. And now Bizarro is stronger because of a backfiring Lex scheme. He sighs heavily. Okay. At least Lex had meant well. On the plus side, that's a briefcase less of Green K scattered around Smallville for him to run into. Clark lowers his hand and tries to break it gently to his partner, "Lex...green rock makes Bizarro stronger. It feeds him. Powers him up."

"I know." Lex nods. "I've seen him drain the rocks before."

"You knew and you gave them to him!" Clark pops up and stares at the other man in alarm. "You created an opportunity for him to blackmail you into supplying him with super food? Lex."

"More like an opportunity to slip Bizarro a little something extra. Assuming he doesn't notice it," Lex stares dreamily at the sunny yellow walls.

"Maybe he won't. He'd be hunting us by now if he had." Chloe looks at Lex. "But he might not have eaten yet. He might plan to hang on to it for an emergency stash."

"I doubt it. He doesn't have that kind of self-control. You didn't see his face when I took him there and he saw the rocks glowing green. He was like Lois with a box of maple donuts."

"Oh. God." Clark stiffens. Maple donuts! He'd promised to bring Lois one and hadn't done it yet. He better get her a dozen on his way back or there will be no mercy for him.

"What?" Chloe squeezes his bicep. "Clark?"

Lex raises an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"Nothing. Nothing to do with Bizarro," Clark adds. "I just remembered that I need to grab something on my way back to work. A dozen somethings."

Chloe's face clears. She laughs. "Oh, no. Don't tell me that Lois is still waiting for that maple donut. You better pony up for a dozen."

"I trust that donuts are all that you are delivering to your colleague." Lex looks at him.

"Don't worry. All my marshmallows are reserved for you and Chloe," Clark promises as he slides downwards, pulling his lovers onto the mattress with him.

"They better be." Chloe pushes her hair out of her eyes.

Lex sits up on the brunette's stomach. "Your marshmallows are my marshmallows."

Clark grins. "Exactly like my shirts."

"Those too." Lex reaches behind, wrapping his hand around the Clark's cock. He squeezes lightly. "And this. You want to know what we did to Bizarro?"

Clark nods, wordless as the other man's knowing hand moves over him, stealing his breath with each slow squeeze. "Ummmhuh." He grabs the long hard muscles of Lex's thighs, his thumbs gliding over the small scatter of golden dots leading up the tender skin of inner thigh.

"Lex altered the meteor rock," Chloe moves to kneel behind Lex. Her hands brace on his lean shoulders as she straddles Clark. "If Bizarro gulps it down, then we'll be able to track him."

"Uuuuhhhhhhhhh," Clark manages as Chloe's slick heat touches his cock head and eases wetly over him. "Uh."

"Your welcome." She grins at him around Lex.

"And we have some ideas about how you can thank us." Lex guides the brunettes hands up his thighs to his cock. He groans and thrusts into the warmth of Clark's grip. "God. Yes. Perfect."


	12. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (12/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark, Chloe and Lex talk.

"What about this Zone you mentioned earlier?" Lex asks as he loops a fresh tie around the plum collar of his dress shirt. He nods toward the row of ties concealed in his desk drawer, making a silent offer.

"No, thanks. No one will think anything about my tie being wrinkly." Clark shakes his head at the invitation. His colleagues, particularly Lois, would have plenty to say if he showed up late and wearing a hideously expensive tie instead of his usual Fordman's sale rack special. "The Zone won't do us any good, okay? Drop it."

"No." Lex turns a hungry shark stare on Clark. "I need information if I'm going to come up with a plan to contain Bizarro."

"That doesn't mean that you need details on the Zone." Clark shakes out his shirt and then pulls it on. "Besides, I thought you already knew plenty about Bizarro. It escaped from your secret lab."

"After you let it escape from your secret Phantom Zone,' Lex snipes back.

He gives Lex a look. "I tried to recapture it, but then you..."

"Succeeded in capturing it." Lex smirks.

Clark buttons his shirt, silently conceding that particular point. "And what did you do with it? You stuck it in a lab."

"Where did you expect me to put it after I captured it?" Lex demands sharply.

"It belongs in a prison."

"Oh, really? Which one? I had to build a special containment area for it, Clark!"

He watches Lex knotting the black tie, graceful fingers moving over the silk with smooth precision. Clark looks uncertainly down at his sock feet. He wants to know and he doesn't.

"What?" Lex slides the knot into place and adjusts the edges of his collar.

Clark asks quietly, "Did you run experiments on him?"

"It. Was. Eating. People." Lex gives the brunette an exasperated stare. "What the fuck did you expect? I had to know what it needed. What would hurt it. What would kill it. What would contain it. I didn't know whether it had arrived alone or as an advance scout for a few million more of them who intended to swing by a light lunch."

"You may not like it, but Lex has reason to be suspicions of aliens, Clark. So do I." Chloe steps into the room, closing the private door behind her. She drops her makeup bag into her computer tote. "You're the only one that either of us has encountered that hasn't intentionally harmed us."

"As far as I know, Bizarro's the only one of his kind." Like him. Clark swallows back the reluctant twinge of fellow feeling. "Maybe we should give him a chance. He hasn't really done anything bad this time."

Chloe shakes her head. "Bizarro is a push the envelope type, Clark. It won't be long before he gets bored with annoying you and sets his sights on later goals. Or decides to get rid of you so he can do whatever he wants. What if he decides that he wants to kidnap Lana? What if he decides that girls have more fun, and takes Kara's DNA instead?"

"What if he decides to form an alliance with other escapees from this zone that you mentioned? What if he decides that your parents look tasty? What if he decides to go to my dad?" Lex slides into a fresh black jacket. "Tell me about this fucking Zone. Where is it?"

"I'm not exactly sure. Don't give me that look." Clark narrows his eyes at Lex. "Its name translates to Phantom Zone for a reason. It's kinda hard to find."

Lex sighs loudly. "Will you at least tell me how many escapees are still free?"

"Why?" Clark asks suspiciously. He's willing answer any questions that will get Bizarro safely contained, but he's not going to wholesale indulge his frienemy's alien obsession. The last thing he wants Lex to have is a whole new batch of alien species to work on.

Lex snaps, "Because I would like to know how many dinner guests to expect."

"It's not like I've got an inventory list. I'm not even sure if A.I. knows and isn't talking, or if it doesn't know and doesn't want to admit it." Clark shrugs.

"It probably considers dealing with the escapees some sort of character test. Like those little tests that Lionel likes to spring on Lex from time to time. Collateral damage is completely irrelevant." Chloe trades a look with Lex.

Clark frowns at them. "Bizarro is the problem right now. The A.I. isn't doing anything."

"Yet." Chloe reaches up and adjusts Clark's tie. Chloe curls a hand over Clark's cheek and tilts his head toward her. She lifts up on tip-toe and kisses him, teasing him with the tip of her tongue.

"That you know about." Lex moves closer. "My turn."

Clark turns toward the husky sound of Lex's voice and eagerly offers his mouth to the other man. His partners' kisses are as different as the shapes of their bodies and equally exciting. He meets Lex's commanding mouth with aggressive demands of his own and a sly snaking battle of tongues as each seeks to claim the other's mouth. Then he turns again to Chloe, melting into the sweet peach ripeness of her softer kisses. Clark jerks, breaking the kiss, as Lex's sharp teeth nip at his earlobe. He rubs his ear. "Ow. You wanted something?"

"Yes. I do. Your mouth." Lex slides a hand into Clark's rumple hair and pulls the brunette in for another slow and deep kiss. He pulls back, gliding his fingertips over the ripe fullness of Clark's lips. "I can't get enough of it."

"I feel the same way." Clark nips softly at the other man's fingers. His arm curves around Chloe's waist.

"Good." Lex pulls away. He walks over to his window and looks out over the city. "How are the occupants escaping your Zone?"

Clark bends down to drop a quick kiss on Chloe's forehead and lets her go. "It's not mine and they aren't. Not now. There aren't any new escapees. You see, I kinda got...ummm...okay, one day I got pulled into the Zone, and the only way for me to get out was to...never mind that. What's important is that when I got out, some of them did too."

Lex turns to face him. "Where is the Zone, Clark?"

"I've told you a few dozen times already. I don't know."

"Clark." Lex growls.

"The Phantom Zone is a space-time quantum physics thing!" Clark protests. "I don't know how it works, or where-when exactly it exists, or where it might be now."

Lex rubs his head. "I think I have a headache."

"Want me to get some aspirin?" Clark kisses the frown lines on his frienemy's forehead.

"Trust me. Aspirin isn't going to cure this one." Lex rumples Clark's hair. Have you asked the A.I. how to locate the Zone and how to put someone in it?"

"I know how to stuff someone in there, but..." Clark frowns, uncertain how to break the bad news, "the A.I. isn't going to allow me to force Bizarro back into the Zone."

"Why not?" Chloe asks as she curls into Lex' chair. "Didn't it put him in the Zone in the first place."

Clark shakes his head. "The Zone was created as a new kind of prison system for the planetary government. The government decided who should be sent to the Zone. Besides...the A.I.'s kinda adopted Bizarro. It's named him Biz El."

"Uh-oh." Chloe frowns.

"So what?" Lex asks.

"El's my...ummm...other name," Clark murmurs.

"Your other name?" Lex looks at him.

"My original name." Clark sighs as Lex waits, watching him with a silent hungry demand gleaming in gray eyes. "It's Kal El. I like Clark Kent better."

Lex's gaze softens. He leans in, brushing a soft kiss over the other man's full mouth. "I'm quite fond of Clark Kent too."

"Good." Clark grins.

"What were you planning to do?" Chloe asks. "If we can't send Bizarro back to the Zone, what do you want to do with him?"

"I don't know yet. I know we need a plan. A way to stop Bizarro if he gets dangerous, but maybe he will settle down," Clark suggests hopefully.

Lex sneers. "If?"

"If," Clark repeats firmly. "If Bizarro goes back to his old ways, then we do what we gotta do, okay?"

"And that would be what precisely?" Lex asks.

Back to that again, Clark thinks grumpily. "I dunno. I'll think of something, okay?"


	13. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (13/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark has coffee with Lois, and then attends a Justice Team meeting.

Clark drinks coffee and looks across the tiny table at his partner. He'd brought a baker's dozen of maple donuts back from lunch, delivered them fresh and still warm to her desk along with a giant cup of her favorite dark hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. Lois had pounced with enthusiasm and happily devoured donuts until they left to follow up on a new lead on a city council scandal.

He watches Lois scowl and scribble notes and doodles over her napkin as she tried out the idea mapping techniques that been pushed in the last journalism workshop that she'd attended. Her pencil scraps over the brown napkin as she draws circles and arrowed lines and loops and emoticons around the handful of words on the thin paper. He's done everything, but print 'supportive partner' on his forehead, but she hasn't said a word about Tess.

He'd hoped that offering to treat her to a late afternoon coffee break outside the office would encourage her to open up to him. To talk about what's going on in her life and give him an opportunity to let her know that he's in her corner. Instead Lois keeps making notes and sipping her coffee. When she does look at him, there's an irritated glint in her pretty eyes like she's feeling annoyed and cornered. Maybe he'd overdone it with all the 'if you want to talk' and 'you know you can tell me anything' comments.

Lois turns her napkin over, folds it in half, and goes to work on the next blank section. "Clark."

Is this it? He straightens from his relaxed slouch and tries to project supportive vibes. Should he try to convince Lois that she can do better than Tess now or wait a few days? Clark smiles brightly at her. "Yes, Lois?"

"You rode down on the train with Chloe this morning."

"Oh, yeah." Clark grins wider as he thinks of the difference that a day makes, and how different boarding the train with Chloe will be tomorrow morning. Will he be adding his personal 'hoohoo' to the train's horn as they jolt across the tracks into Metropolis? Or will they be lingering at Luthor Manor until he has to speed them back to the Daily Planet again?

"Did she say anything about Oliver?"

"Oliver?" Clark prompts. Uh-oh. Has Lois picked up on Chloe's being WatchTower? Or is Lois considering renewing her relationship with Oliver? He frowns as he considers the relative merits of Lois dating Tess vs Lois dating Oliver again. He glances at the building across the street. Is sitting so close to Queen Tower making Lois feel nostalgic? "Why would she say anything about Oliver?"

Lois shrugs. "She spends enough time with him and she's always running off to Queen Towers.'

Clark glances at his watch. Crap. He's late again for a Justice Team meeting. "So?"

"So?" Lois narrows her eyes at him. "So? Have you not heard a word that I've said about Oliver for the last three months? He's not good boyfriend material. Chloe does not need to get involved with him."

And Tess is? Clark swallows the question back with the last of his coffee. "I don't think they are dating, Lois. I've never heard Oliver talk about her like he talks about you."

"Me?" Lois demands. Ire sparks in her hazel eyes. "He talks about ME?! What did he say?"

"Well, ummm..." Clark offers a silent and heartfelt thanks to the universe as his cell phone goes off. He glances at the screen and sees Chloe's number. "Excuse me. I gotta get this. Hello?"

"Clark, ditch my cousin, and get your fanny over here," Chloe orders. "You're already late. Again."

Not that late. Only ten minutes and it's not like they really do anything for the first ten. The guys are probably still munching on snacks and trading stories. Wait...how does Chloe know that he's with Lois? Is she watching him? He twists around in his chair to scan Queen Tower. "How do you know that I'm with someone?"

"Look up and to the left."

Clark sees a row Justice Team members lined up behind the clock window. Chloe smirks and waves at him. He can hear A.C. making hubba-hubba noises, Victor making jokes, and Bart making completely uncalled for comments. Dinah is wearing a big smile and Oliver is wearing a big scowl. The G.A. needs to move on. Lois is his partner and it's only coffee...sheesh. Clark frowns at them. "Okay, okay. Tell them that I'll be there."

"Who called?" Lois surveys the people around them. "Is someone watching you, Smallville? Have you gotten a juicy lead that you've neglected to share with your partner?"

"No, but I do have to go." Clark stands up. He folds his phone closed and tucks it into his jacket's pocket.

"So do I." Lois grabs her purse and gets to her feet.

Is she gonna try to follow him? Clark watches her warily. "Yeah? Where?"

Lois smirks. "Nowhere you wanna be."

Crap. What fresh trouble is she racing towards? Clark hovers indecisively. Should he insist on going with her? But what if there actually is something that he needs to know being covered at the team meeting? It's not like he can claim that he was too busy when the whole team saw him having a coffee break with Lois. "Lois."

"You aren't the only one who can be mysterious." Lois considers him for a second and her smirk gets bigger. "Tell you what, Smallville...you tell me where you're going and I'll tell you where I'm off to."

Clark tilts his head toward Queen Towers. "Oliver invited me up to talk about a possible interview."

"Oh, did he?" Lois glowers at the building. "You tell him to enjoy his cake and coffee while I'm at a bachelorette luncheon...complete with strippers."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hi, Oliver. Hi, guys." Clark walks into the J Team conference room. He drapes his jacket around the back of his chair and smiles at the group sitting around the table. He blushes as he meets Chloe's blue eyes. His voice deepens, "Hi, Chloe."

Chloe raises her mug in a toast. "Clark."

"Hi, Clark," the rest of the team calls.

Clark looks in satisfaction at the spread on the narrow buffet along the wall. Chocolate chip cookies! His favorite cookie, and he sniffs, he can smell the aroma of his favorite coffee blend perking in the pot. How lucky is that.

"Helllllo. Clark." Oliver purrs at him. "Feel free to help yourself to...anything...that you fancy."

"Thanks, Oliver." Clark moves past his host and grabs a mug and fills it with coffee. Oh, wow, there's even a selection of flavored syrups and a can of whip. Clark adds a splash of caramel syrup, a splash of white chocolate, and squirts whip. Chocolate sprinkles! He grabs the small container and lavishes the sprinkles on top of his whip.

"No, thank you," Oliver murmurs throatily behind him.

Shouldn't that have been 'you're welcome'? Clark jumps at sharp pinch on his backside. Had Oliver just pinched him? Clark turns around, wide-eyed. Why is Oliver standing so close? "Oliver?"

Clark drops his mug and plate in surprise as he's grabbed and dipped backwards as Oliver presses a passionate kiss to his mouth. "MMMPF!" Oh, no. Oh, god...had Bizarro done it with Oliver?! What's he gonna do? Clark muscles Oliver back into a more comfortably upright position. Maybe if he just waits it out. Oliver's gotta come up for air at some point. And then he can take Oliver aside and explain about Bizarro. Maybe not 'Cause Bizarro really can't be explained. Maybe he should go with a good lie. Just as soon as he figures out something remotely plausible.

"Oh, god." Bart groans. "Is Oliver off the wagon again? How many times is it now?"

"Annnnnnd it's intervention time." Victor sighs. "Again."

"Personally, I think interventions are kinda fun," A.C. announces. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"It's my turn to take charge," Dinah stands up. "Victor, you find all the booze. Bart, you haul all the booze to the dump. No selling it on street corners again this time, young man!"

"But it's the good stuff," Bart whines. "You know how much I can get for it?"

"No, and I don't care. This isn't about you. It's about Oliver. Chloe," Dinah continues, "you...Chloe? Chloe? What are you..."

Clark hears a zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzit-hissssssss! And then Oliver's body jolts and twitches against him. Oliver slides down him and collapses in a jerking heap on the floor. Chloe is standing in front of him, holding a bright red taser. "Chloe?"

"Somebody's gotta protect you from your own hotness," she whispers. "It's a good thing that you picked us to do it. Don't worry, we got your back."

Clark glances down at Oliver. "Is he okay?"

Chloe kneels down, next to Oliver. She zzzzzzzzzzzzits him a second time, and snarls softly, "Clark is mine so keep your little green mitts off of him. Got it?"

Dinah frowns disapprovingly from across the room. "Really, Chloe. Tazing is not an approved intervention tactic."

"But it sure was awesome," A.C. stands up for a better view. He waves his mug. "Look at the way he's twitching. That's so cool."

"Wow. I've been wanting one of those. Where did you find a red one, Chloe?" Bart asks. "I want a red one."

"Yeah, where did you get it?" A.C. echoes. "Does it come orange?"

"Pay attention, people." Dinah plants her fists on her hips. "We need to get that booze outta here immediately."

His phone rings and Clark strides around the table to pull it from his jacket. Is it his parents? Is it Lois in trouble? Has Bizarro gone after Lex? He pulls it out of his pocket and stares down at the text message from Lionel Luthor. His stomach twitches uneasily. Lionel has never texted him before. He clicks on 'view' and the message opens up.

'Where R U? Cum 69 now.'

Clark swallows back nausa. Bizarro had done Lionel Luthor? Ewwww. He's never setting foot in LuthorCorp again without Chloe and her taser. This has to stop.


	14. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (14/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark finds out what Bizarro's second job is.

Clark peers cautiously over the top of his computer monitor. Why is Lois staring at him like that? All narrow-eyed and annoyed and determined. The expression is unnervingly like the one that Lana would get when she suspected him of having unshared secrets. Had Tess mention Biizarro's blackmail attempt to her? Oh, shit. Could Chloe have told her cousin about...them? "What?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you staring at me like that?" Clark asks suspiciously. "You haven't talked to Chloe have you?"

"Chloe?! My cousin knows and she didn't tell me."

"Of course, she knows. How could she not know? She was...wait. What are you talking about?"

Lois leans across her desk, eyes full of threat. "What are you talking about? I swear, Smallville, if you've screwed around with my cousin..."

"She told me to," Clark exclaims defensively before he can stop himself.

"WHAT?" Lois reaches across the desks and grabs his tie, yanking him closer. "What did you do to my cousin?"

"Nothing! Do you mind..." Clark tugs tentatively on his tie. "You're making it all wrinkly."

"Like that tie could get any more wrinkled, and yeah, I mind." Lois tightens her grip and yanks harder. "Are you telling me that Chloe knows about your second job? That you dragged her into that?"

Clark blinks at her. "Helping out at the farm?"

"Don't play cute with me. You know what I mean."

"Ummm, no. Actually I don't..."

"Stripping." Lois glares at him. "God, Clark. I can't believe that you are moonlighting as a stripper and willing strip down to your short and curlies for $500. What if Tess finds out? Do you want to lose your job? Or do you think that she wouldn't fire you because you're so pretty? If so, lemme tell you, you aren't her type."

"St..stripping?" Clark stares at her. He gasps as he thinks of Bizarro's comment about having a second job. Bizarro's a stripping tabloid reporter? He yanks his jacket around him and looks apprehensively around the room wondering what other unauthorized coworkers now know what he looks like naked. "It wasn't me!"

"No, it was Mr. Hot Rod." Lois rolls her eyes. "Could you have picked a dorkier stage name? Clark, a little bitty domino mask is not going to disguise you from anyone who knows you. You have to stop this."

Clark scowls. "You're absolutely right, Lois."

"Of course, I'm right," Lois begins, only to be interrupted as Perry sticks his head outside his office door and yells for her. She stands up, smoothing her dress. She punches Clark on the shoulder as she walks by. "We haven't finished with this, Smallville."

"Great," Clark mutters. Crap. What's he gonna tell his parents? What if Bizarro wiggles his willie in front of someone from Smallville? What if Bizarro gets arrested for stripping all the way down? What is it with aliens and public nudity? 'Cause this isn't the first time that Lois has seen the show. Or Smallville. But at least that time he'd been naked at a hospital and he hadn't been jiggling anything at anyone. Plus he'd had been mind-whammied by Jor El. Not that they could tell anyone that; his parents had blamed it on amnesia instead.

For the first time, he's grateful that Kryptonians apparently didn't go in for dancing. He winces as he imagines what that day would've been like if the El family tradition had emphasized dance instead of science. Clark pushes away the image of Kal El jiggling and wiggling merrily down the hospital halls, out the door, and all around Smallville. They would've never lived that one down. His dad would've had to sell the farm and move to Canada.

He's got to stop Bizarro before maggot boy has dangled their junk in front of whole city. God. What if Bizarro decides to set up as the Streaking Blur? He'd got to stop this and get that slug out of his life. But how? It's not like there's a reform school for wayward Bizarros, and the A.I. won't let him shove Bizarro back into the Zone where it belongs. Clark broods over his computer. If only he had some way to...

Lois' phone sings out from her desk drawer, playing a catchy tune about rings and single ladies.

"That's it!" Clark rolls his chair back and stands up. He strides across the room and turns into the stairwell, taking the stairs five at a time as he bounds toward the roof.


	15. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (15/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark goes to see the A.I.

"Lara!" Clark stands in the center of the Fortress. "Jor El!"

"Yes, my son?" Jor El asks from behind him.

Clark turns around to see a heavily tanned man in white robes and a woman with flowing gold hair. A colorful giant lizard sits at their feet with a football delicately gripped between its teeth. "Hi."

"Kal El." Lara leans down to pat Krypto's scaled head. She takes the football. "Good catch, Krypto."

Clark reaches a hand toward the lizard and forces enthusiasm into his voice. "Hi, there, Krypto! Who's a good space...ummm...thing?"

Krypto yawns, revealing a wide pink maw with sharp triangular teeth. His jaws snap shut inches from Clark's hand.

"Hey!' Clark snatches his hand back. He frowns at the lizard. "And after I brought you marshmallows too."

Krypto looks at him with more interest. The blunt snout lifts in the air as a long tongue snakes out to test the air.

"That's right. Marshmallows. A whole bag." Clark pulls the plastic bag of green and pink mini-marshmallows from beneath his jacket and dangles it in front of the reptile. "See?"

Krypto grabs the edge of the bag and rips it open, scattering marshmallows across the crystal floor. It's tongue snaps out, zapping a green marshmallow. It turns its head targeting another.

"Kal El." Jor El gives him an approving nod. "It was good of you to think of your brother's pet."

Lara smiles. "Does this mean that you and your brother are getting along better?"

"We're definitely getting to know each other better," Clark tells her.

"Good." Lara smiles at him. "Biz El said that that was why he wanted to live in the area that you did. Isn't that sweet of him?"

"Yeah. Sweet," Clark repeats grimly. He forces a smile. "Anyway, Biz...um...El has done so much for me lately that I want to return the favor."

Jor El looks at his wife. "They do have a shared birthday coming up."

"We can have a party!" Lara claps her hands.

"No!" Clark snaps before he can stop himself. "I mean, I don't want to wait that long. I want to do something for him now. Today. Immediately."

"What did you have in mind?" Lara asks.

"He would never tell you this, but," Clark rounds his eyes into his biggest saddest stare, "Biz...El is lonely. I think he needs someone of his own. He's been chasing humans and..."

"Humans!" Lara huffs. "Humans. As if any of them are good enough for an El."

"Ummm," Clark murmurs in a vaguely agreeable tone.

"Humans." Jor El sighs wistfully. "Oh, yeah."

Lara glares at him.

Jor El's eyes widen and he slaps a scowl on his face. "Right. Humans! Not worthy of an El's favor."

"But Biz...El is lonely and humans are everywhere on Earth," Clark shrugs. "It's not like he's got options."

"Options," Lara repeats thoughtfully.

Clark nods. "Too bad he was the only one of his kind in the Zone."

Jor El clears his throat in a static-filled rumble. "As it happens..."

Lara stares at her husband. "Jor El?"

"There are females of his kind."

"Why didn't Biz...El ever meet her?" Clark asks. "He said that he was the only one there."

"He was. The males are much less dangerous than the females. The Council decided that it would be safe enough to sentence Biz EL to the Zone. We put the ten females...elsewhere." Jor El tucks his hands into his long sleeves. "A place surrounded by the best security measures that Kryptonian scientists could devise."

Ooooh, crap. More Bizarros?! Worse than Bizarro Bizarros? Clark gives the A.I. a horrified stare. "You did WHAT? Where? Where is it?"

"Don't look at us like that. We had to do it." Jor El steps closer to Clark. "You know what the humans say about females being deadlier than males, Kal El? Multiple that by thirteen for Bizarro's species. The females of his kind are extremely dangerous and...the Council felt it wise to avoid placing a young defenseless male of breeding age among them."

Clark shudders at the idea of a place filled with teething baby Bizarros. Not even Zod deserved to be pitched into that. Brainiac...he's kinda okay with Brainaic being dumped into that. "Yeah. I can see that. So these females are really aggressive and dangerous and it's been awhile since they saw a male? That's what you're saying?"

"That is the case, Kal El. Lara," Jor El fingers the drifting ends of his wife's long white hair. He leans down to his scowling wife and whispers in her ear.

Clark tilts his head back, staring at the cold sky showing between the crystals, as he turns the information over in his head. Aggressive. Dangerous. Scary. Older. He imagines Bizarro being hounded and hunted everywhere by a herd of ten eager to reproduce Miss Bizarros. He smirks and his smirk grows as he imagines Bizarro sitting in the middle of a pile of howling, hungry, diaper needs changing baby Bizarros. Yeah. That oughta keep maggot boy plenty busy. Much too busy to have time to plot to invade Earth. "So where is this place?"

"We put the females on a world in a parallel pocket universe," Lara pushes her hair back, yanking it away from her husband. She gives Jor El a slitted stare and hisses, "I haven't forgotten about Her. A human. I can't believe that you...with a human!"

Jor El mutters, "Now, beloved, that was a long time ago."

"Not long enough," Lara mutters back.

"Beloved, I don't even remember her name."

"Louise," Lara hisses. "Her name was Louise. I can access your data too or have you forgotten that?! You haven't deleted the information or her image and the...oooooooooh! You accessed it last night!"

Time...how long was Bizarro in the Zone? How long have the Misses been in the pocket universe? What if they've been there together so long that they no longer care about getting a Mister or reproducing? Clark clears his throat. "Are you sure that the ladies won't be too old for my...umm...for Biz....El?"

Lara fold her arms across her chest, managing to shove an elbow in her husband's ribs in the process. "Time passes differently there than it does here or in the Zone."

"Can I talk to them?" Clark looks down as a shrill tea kettle hiss interrupts him. Krypto sits at his feet, staring at him with shiny black eyes like it knows that he's plotting against its master. "We probably need to see how they feel about pets. Make sure they have suitable food for Krypto."

"Relax, my son," Jor El advises. "He only wants more marshmallows."

Clark takes a step back, uneasy with the way that Krypto is looking at his legs. "Well, I don't have any more."

"You plan to send Bizarro to their universe?" Lara asks.

"I'm no expert on relationships, but don't you think that the ladies would want their own place?" Clark looks from Lara to Jor El. "Besides, doesn't my...brother...deserve his very own world to conquer?"

Jor El murmurs, "We had not thought of it in those terms, but certainly, an El should have his own world."

Lara narrows her eyes. "I want grandchildren."

"I've got plenty of time. Maybe one day," Clark wonders how Chloe would feel about the possibility. A smile tugs at his mouth as he thinks of being dad to a couple of little Lexes, Clarks, and Chloes.

"We could offer the females Kryptonian DNA," Jor El suggests. "Providing Kal El agrees."

"He's my...brother," Clark rubs his throat, forcing the word out. "He's welcome to those Kryptonian eggs that you've been saving for me."

Jor El gingerly pats his wife's stiff shoulders. "It will be done as you wish, beloved. Which DNA would you like to use?"

"Can I talk to the Misses while you collect what you need?" Clark asks.

"Of course." Lara waves a hand and a wall of crystals part to reveal a large bottle surrounded by a sullen pink glow. She hands Clark a matching octagonal metal. "This is the key. Rub this symbol and you can talk to them as a hologram. Don't rub the one next to it or you will be transported there."


	16. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (16/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark hunts for Bizarro and runs into Lionel.

Damn it. Clark stares down at his remote in exasperation. When he'd checked it a few seconds ago, the GPS had said that Bizarro was here. Where the hell had it gone? He frowns at the blinking question mark that meant that Bizarro was on the move and going too fast for the device to locate. He leans a shoulder against the graffiti-covered bus stop shelter and sighs.

Across the street is an elderly parking lot that holds the Starburn's offices and a handful of stores. Where could Bizarro be heading? It could be on a marshmallow run, but what if maggot brain has decided to go snooping at the Planet? What if Bizarro tracking down Oliver? Clark swallows. Could Bizarro be going to another stripping gig? He looks impatiently down at the question mark on the screen, fighting back the urge to shake the remote. When he looks up there's a black limo in front of him. The tinted rear window slides down just far enough to show Lionel Luthor's face. Clark hastily shoves the remote into his pocket, despite the soft ping that announces that it has a fix on Bizarro now.

"Well?" Lionel demands, ignoring the honking car behind him.

"Well what?" Clark buttons his jacket as he remembers the text message that he'd gotten earlier. He crosses his arms over his chest. Which one of them does Lionel think he's talking to? Or does Lionel think that Bizarro is him too? That he's got a multiple personality disorder? Huh. That's an idea. Maybe that's what he needs to tell Oliver; that he's got multiple personality disorder and now that he's on medication, he doesn't want to be with Oliver like that any more. It's a nice alien-free explanation.

Impatience sparks in Lionel's dark eyes as second car pulls up, adding its honks to the first. "Get in."

Clark steps back, wishing for Chloe and her taser with all his might. First mention of anything sex related and he is so out of there, he doesn't care who sees it. "I don't think so."

"What did you think that you were going to accomplish by stealing my phone? Give it back. Now."

"I don't have your phone." A smile of relief escapes Clark. That hadn't been Lionel texting him? It had been maggot brain trying to mess with him? He relaxes into a more casual stance.

"You expect me to believe that?"

Clark shrugs. "I don't care what you believe. Why would I steal your stupid phone?"

"Attempting to cut out the middle man...that's smart choice, but trying to double-cross a Luthor...did you truly believe that my office was unmonitored? Or did you want to get caught? You didn't think that I kept a list of my more problematic contacts on my phone, did you? No. Those are all up here." Lionel taps his head. "Don't play dumb with me, Biz El."

Clark lowers his gaze to the cracked cement beneath his shoes. That answers one question. So if Lionel knows about Biz El...Clark raises his gaze, giving the older man a questioning look. "How do you know that Clark didn't steal your phone?"

"Clark Kent?" Lionel laughs. "I could safely leave a million dollar diamond alone on my desk with Clark in my office and it would still be there when I returned. Do the Kents' know about you?"

"No." God, no. The last thing he wants is for Lionel to believe that his parents know about Bizarro. Clark sneers, trying to channel Bizarro's arrogance. "Do you really believe that a couple of rubes like that know anything?"

"Trust me." Lionel's intense stare rakes over Clark. " All I want to do is help you. Why do you think that the police haven't found anything yet? It's because I've been helping you. Tell me what it is that you need from spines and my people can find a less attention-grabbing way for you to meet your needs."

Clark stares at the other man, unable to believe what he's just heard. Bizarro is...and Lionel is aiding and abetting the monster? "What...what if I told you that I just like spines? That I don't have any other reason."

"You can trust me, Biz El. I know what you are. What Clark is, even though, he doesn't seem to know it. There's a whole society Veritas that will gladly dedicate itself to fulfilling your needs."

Clark flexes his hands behind his back, fighting the urge to yank Lionel out of the limo and transport the other man to the Bizarro zoo world. See how Lionel felt about spine-eating monsters then. "Are you saying that you and this Veritas society will supply me with living humans? That they are okay with me ripping their spines out and eating them?"

"I feel certain that something could be worked out. We've been waiting for you for a long time."

"Something," Clark repeats in a flat voice. "What sort of something?"

"Did you know that the Romans commonly adopted adult males into their families to carry on the line if the heir proved unsuitable or failed to survive misfortune? It's an elegant solution, particularly if a paterfamilias had an unsatisfactory son." Lionel studies him, icy amber eyes considering. "A worthy prospect might find himself one life away from adoption into a more powerful and wealthy family. I wonder how many young Roman heirs died because someone else saw the opportunity to seize an advantage? Think about it."

Clark watches as the sheet of dark glass slides slowly upwards and Lionel's face disappears like a crocodile sliding away beneath swamp water. The limo pulls away. Had Lionel just offered to adopt Bizarro and make him a Luthor heir, if maggot face would murder Lex? Shit! Clark grabs for his remote with renewed urgency.


	17. Clark's Very Bizarro Day (17/17)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark finds Bizarro. And Oliver. And Lex. And Chloe.

Clark shatters through the large window, breaking the frosted glass numbers. He lands in Oliver's office. He draws in a sharp breath, shuddery with relief as he takes in the group posed in front of him. He had been worried about Oliver, seeing his lovers in there also with Bizarro, he'd felt like his heart was going to thump out of his chest in a frenzy of panic.

"Clark." Lex lifts his hands from Oliver's desk, and straightens, managing to cover his menacing lean toward Oliver into a casual pose. His gray gaze flicks for a second toward the other side of the room.

It's only because he knows Lex so well that he can hear the faint note of relief in the husky voice or see warning flicker in the gray eyes. Clark turns, keeping Bizarro in his peripheral vision, as he glances over Lex's shoulder at Chloe.

"Clark." Chloe looks at him, her eyes filled with trust and secret relief. Her hand moves, drawing his attention to the lead compact that she's clutching with a white-knuckled grip.

"Clark!" Oliver glares at the Clark-sized hole in his clock window. His brown eyes widen as his gaze belatedly moves from Clark to Bizarro. "Clark?"

So much for the multiple personality disorder explanation. Damn it. And that had been one of his better ones. Clark sighs. "Hi, Oliver. Sorry about the window. I know you just finished replacing it, but I didn't dare take the time for stairs and doors. Not with him in the room with you." Clark narrows his eyes at Bizarro who sneers back at him.

"But if you're Clark, then who..." Oliver swallows. His brown eyes turn toward the brunette lounging on an olive green chaise and crunching popcorn from a white and red bag.

Lex smirks. "Not who, Ollie. What. The question you should be asking is 'What have you been fucking?'"

Bizarro tosses a popcorn into the air and catches it in his mouth. His bag rattles loudly in silence as everyone stares at him while he grabs another kernel. He glowers at Clark. "Trust you to spoil the fun, brother."

"You have a brother?" Oliver asks Clark. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"He's not my brother, Oliver."

"But he looks exactly like you," Oliver protests. Who is he, if he isn't your twin?"

"What," Lex corrects. "I have some candid photos. I would be delighted to share them with you."

Bizarro crumples his empty popcorn bag and drops it on the carpet. "You know...I've had enough of you. All of you." He stands up.

Clark zips between Bizarro and the humans. "That's not going to happen. I won't let you hurt them."

"Yeah?" Bizarro takes a step forward. "You think that you're gonna stop me? You?"

"Yeah, I do." Clark pulls out his octagonal key and points it at the other alien. He presses his thumb over a symbol and there's soft fffffpppt sound and Bizarro is surrounded by a pale pink nimbus.

Bizarro looks down at himself in alarm for a second and then back up at his enemy. He smirks. "Looks like you need some more juice. Unless your big plan is to bore me to death." His smirk disappears as he takes in the way the humans are staring past him.

"Wrong again. Look behind you, Maggot Face." Clark bares his teeth at the other alien.

Bizarro pivots to face the open portal. Krypto sits amid a group of beautiful brunettes. A garland of large blue flowers around his throat matches the flowers embroidered on the cloaks that frame the women's faces. A large insect with bright scaled wings flutters through the air and Krypto's long tongue shoots out and zaps it. "Krypto?"

Krypto hums happily at Bizarro. His jaws working with slow satisfaction around his giant-sized prey. Bizarro moves toward the waving edges of the portal. He glares at the women. "I don't know what you think that you are doing with Krypto, but..."

A short slender brunette in the front of the group stands up. Her cloak falls from her shoulders to the sand beneath her small feet, revealing a delicate face, big dark eyes, and long black hair that gleams like ice in the bright sunshine on the other side of the portal. A drape of sheer bronze fabric wraps around her waist, concealing nothing. Bejeweled piercings on her peaked nipples tremble with her every breath and an step as she moves closer to the edge, matching Bizarro's pace. Her dark brown eyes focus on Bizarro. Her fingers curl and flex, beckoning. When she speaks, her voice is soft and musical; the language unknown to everyone in the room except Clark and Bizarro.

Clark looks at the pink flush rising on Bizarro's skin and the slow goofy grin spreading across the other alien's face. A twinge of concern pierces his satisfaction. Is that what he looks like when he sees someone that he thinks is sexy? He looks back at the portal to see that the other females have dropped their cloaks and are lounging seductively on the sand.

"Helllllooo, ladies." Bizarro moves closer, his grin going even bigger and goofier as he ogles the ten women. He hesitates at the edge and the standing woman holds out her hand, the gesture transmuting from seductive to commanding. Bizarro flushes a darker pink and steps across the edge.

Clark hastily touches the next symbol on his key, closing the portal with a snap. He tucks the octagon back into his pocket and turns to look at his lovers and Oliver.

"What did she say?" Chloe walks toward him and touches his arm, stroking soothingly.

"Welcome to Htrae." Clark looks down at her. He leans down to kiss the soft red of her lips. He looks at Lex as the other man approaches, wondering how he's going to tell the other man that Lionel wants his son dead. The gray gaze narrows on his face, and Lex sees something there that makes the other man slide a hand up his shoulder and into his hair. Clark willingly bows his head with the urging caress, resting his forehead against the solid warmth of Lex's shoulder. He slides his arms around the other man and Chloe, pulling both close.

"What is it?" Lex whispers into his ear.

"Your dad...he wanted Bizarro to...he wanted you..." Clark clutches Lex tighter, wishing that he could fly his lovers away to some magical land where they would be safe and happy always.

"Dead," Lex finishes softly. "I know. He's made several attempts."

Shocked, Clark lifts his head. "What?"

"Not a newsflash, Clark." Chloe looks at him, her eyes full of the sadness that Lex refuses to show. Her chin rounds with determination. "It's not going to happen."

"No," Clark promises. "It's not going to happen."

"Clark?" Oliver leans against the bar, drinking straight from a decanter of clear liquid. "What the hell just happened? Who was that other guy?"

"Oliver, Oliver, how many times do I have to tell you? It was a what, not a who." Lex grins with happy malice. "I could draw you a picture."

Oliver downs another drink. He waves the decanter. "Where did he go?"

"Another place." Clark shrugs. "Another time. Forget about him, Oliver."

"What was he?" Oliver asks. He stares at Clark. "What are you?"

Clark draws in a hurt breath. "What I've always been. Your friend."

"Oliver!" Chloe glares at him.

"Drink up, Oliver. That ffffffffsssh sound that you are hearing...that's your latest seaside resort investment sinking like Atlantis." Lex strokes Clark's tense back.

Clark blows his breath out in a soft cold breeze that targets and freezes the decanter's contents. He dips his head to brush his cool lips across Chloe's mouth.

"Ooooh! Tingly. I like it." Chloe orders, "Kiss Lex like that."

Clark grins and turns his head, pressing his lips to the other man's. When he lifts his head, Lex is staring at him, gray eyes dark with sensual speculation. His grin widens knowingly as he realizes that Lex is thinking about what his cool mouth would feel like elsewhere.

Oliver raises his decanter to his mouth and then lowers it, staring at the frozen vodka and frosted crystal. He looks over his shoulder at the row of frozen decanters lined up behind him. Oliver looks at Clark and then sets the vodka down on the bar. "Chloe I understand, but him? Why Luthor?"

"Because..." Clark touches Lex's face, trying to think of words to express the complicated tangle of emotions and attractions that Lex holds for him. A barely remembered quote from his high school Lit class pops into his head. "Lex is a man of infinite variety."

"What?" Lex's eyes narrows into offended gray slits. "What did you say?"

Oliver sniggers loudly. "If you put it that way."

Clark gives Lex a wary look. Where had the compliment that he'd intended gone wrong? He turns to Chloe.

She grins at him with affectionate amusement. "You do know that that phrase was used to describe Cleopatra?"

Uh-oh. Clark tightens his arm as Lex pulls back. "Ummm, Lex...what I meant was..."

Lex glares regally at him. "I'll show you who's the Julius Caesar in this crowd. Luthor Manor. Midnight. Be there."

Clark shivers as he thinks of the wine cellar and the chains that Chloe had told him about. He ducks his head, adopting a meek stance. "Sure, Lex. Whatever you say."

THE END.


End file.
